Saturday - Well, sayonara big ego as five-foot-two Keiko took my ass in tennis, turned it upside down, trampled on it, spanked it, and then pointed at it and laughed as I walked away in shame. Gotta lot to learn yet but she did convince me to join the team... Not her team; the other team! Games begin Jan 10th.
Monday - Bit o' good news as my probation has ended and I am now a member of team Kelly Slater. If all goes well we will develop a man-made wave suitable for surfing. Cool!
Tuesday - The problem, of course, when you are this cool and you know nearly everything is that you will at some point be called at work 14 times by a friend asking how to fix his leaking sprinkler pipe. The 15th and final call will be the one where he says he broke the pipe and asks you to come over after your 10 hour work day to fix it for him.
Thursday - M made soba noodles for dinner, a traditional Japanese New Year's dish. Although an argument could be made as to the entertainment value, I'd say, for the eater anyway, soba is better when chewed and swallowed, as compared with chewed and sneezed out your nose. Sorry,baby. I'll use less cayenne pepper next time.
Friday - Saw Avatar. Whoa. We are not in Kansas anymore.
... to be continued...
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Episode 37 - Vertigo Gone Wild
Saturday - Five-Bite Diet, Day 5. Got up to pee and couldn't walk straight. Did all that sushi whack my blood sugar or is this what starving does to you? Supposed to play tennis this morning but Ricardo texted that some evil parents are holding him captive. After four days on the Five-Bite Diet (and one night of sushi) I've only gained three pounds!
Sunday - Five-Bite Diet, Day 6 - World is spinning so bad I almost fell over getting out of bed. There's no way I can walk to the store for eggs. Good thing we have a car.
O.k. Screw this Five-Bite Crap. It's day 6 and according to our cheapo scale I'm either five lbs lighter or 3 lbs heavier. And I can't take this whole 'world spinning' thing anymore. Get out the way, baby. Where's them cookies the neighbor brought?
Tuesday -Keiko called and now I'm gonna try out this weekend to join her tennis team. They're gonna tell me if I'm too lousy to play with them or not. Would it be funny to act really hopeful and then play horribly on purpose? Naah, that would just be mean!
Thursday, Christmas Eve - Buncha peeps coming for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Don't know some of 'em. Hope it's nobody I pissed off...
...to be continued...
Sunday - Five-Bite Diet, Day 6 - World is spinning so bad I almost fell over getting out of bed. There's no way I can walk to the store for eggs. Good thing we have a car.
O.k. Screw this Five-Bite Crap. It's day 6 and according to our cheapo scale I'm either five lbs lighter or 3 lbs heavier. And I can't take this whole 'world spinning' thing anymore. Get out the way, baby. Where's them cookies the neighbor brought?
Tuesday -Keiko called and now I'm gonna try out this weekend to join her tennis team. They're gonna tell me if I'm too lousy to play with them or not. Would it be funny to act really hopeful and then play horribly on purpose? Naah, that would just be mean!
Thursday, Christmas Eve - Buncha peeps coming for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Don't know some of 'em. Hope it's nobody I pissed off...
...to be continued...
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Episode 36 - Dr. Strange Diet or How I Learned To Stop Eating And Love The Hunger
Saturday - Backsplash grout is sealed. So close to being done with it. Soon we'll be able to install the electrical cover plates and it'll finally look finished.
Sunday - Java, the sweet elixir of consciousness. Here's my recipe for 'Tornado Coffee': 1) Fill cup with coffee. 2) Stir rapidly. 3) Add half-n-half to outer edge of spinning coffee. Tornado Coffee! Wheeee! God, what happened to me?
Tuesday - The physical. I know why it's called that. It's physical proof that god hates us. I understand the doctor working his wife into the conversation. I did it, too. Because that is the gayest thing two straight guys can possibly do. Gawd crap, couldn't the prostate be located between your toes or something? Why does it have to be there? And what's with that frikkin' lube? Does he keep it in the freezer? And, while we're on the subject, am I alone in asking, 'What would be so wrong with hiring a nurse for that?' Maybe one with a whip and stiletto heels? Should be easy to find. They were everywhere on Halloween.
Wednesday - Doctor advised I lose some gut, so I'm on his 'Five-Bite Diet'. Skip breakfast. Five bites of anything for lunch. Five bites of anything for dinner. Worked for M. First three days are the hard part. 2nd day - Hungry but sticking to it.
Tennis. Down 5-3, came back and tied it. Then lost 6-5. Not bad considering my opponent is 2o years younger than me. Dinner. M is laughing at my five huge bites of noodles.
Thursday - Five-Bite Diet, Day 3. Dr. said this day would be the toughest, but he failed to mention that, 10 minutes after you 'five-bite' yourself a $7 meatball sub, the neighbors would offer your entire company a lobster lunch, absolutely free. I could only laugh when my coworker, carrying his big ol' lobster, said, 'Boy, it sucks to be you today!'
Friday - Five-Bite Diet, Day 4. Wasn't so bad. Little hungry at times, but nothing uncomfortable. Then to M's Christmas work party. Five-Bites, my ass. How do you stop at 'five' when there's a plate of sushi screaming at your face?
...to be continued...
Sunday - Java, the sweet elixir of consciousness. Here's my recipe for 'Tornado Coffee': 1) Fill cup with coffee. 2) Stir rapidly. 3) Add half-n-half to outer edge of spinning coffee. Tornado Coffee! Wheeee! God, what happened to me?
Tuesday - The physical. I know why it's called that. It's physical proof that god hates us. I understand the doctor working his wife into the conversation. I did it, too. Because that is the gayest thing two straight guys can possibly do. Gawd crap, couldn't the prostate be located between your toes or something? Why does it have to be there? And what's with that frikkin' lube? Does he keep it in the freezer? And, while we're on the subject, am I alone in asking, 'What would be so wrong with hiring a nurse for that?' Maybe one with a whip and stiletto heels? Should be easy to find. They were everywhere on Halloween.
Wednesday - Doctor advised I lose some gut, so I'm on his 'Five-Bite Diet'. Skip breakfast. Five bites of anything for lunch. Five bites of anything for dinner. Worked for M. First three days are the hard part. 2nd day - Hungry but sticking to it.
Tennis. Down 5-3, came back and tied it. Then lost 6-5. Not bad considering my opponent is 2o years younger than me. Dinner. M is laughing at my five huge bites of noodles.
Thursday - Five-Bite Diet, Day 3. Dr. said this day would be the toughest, but he failed to mention that, 10 minutes after you 'five-bite' yourself a $7 meatball sub, the neighbors would offer your entire company a lobster lunch, absolutely free. I could only laugh when my coworker, carrying his big ol' lobster, said, 'Boy, it sucks to be you today!'
Friday - Five-Bite Diet, Day 4. Wasn't so bad. Little hungry at times, but nothing uncomfortable. Then to M's Christmas work party. Five-Bites, my ass. How do you stop at 'five' when there's a plate of sushi screaming at your face?
...to be continued...
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Episode 35 - Backsplash
Saturday - Out of coffee beans. Working through the instant stuff we bought two thanksgivings ago camping in Death Valley. The bed, to M, seems to be more interesting than tennis, as I am unable to get her out of it. Should grout the backsplash today. But then again I could do it on Monday.
Monday - Well, the backsplash still has no grout. But the dog food bin is finally adjusted and the handles installed. Doorbell again. 2nd time today. Listen, ya crack-ho, I'm sorry about the dog barking, but I don't care if you're in high school or if you're knocked-up and homeless. I don't want nunna your teabags, candles, crackers, or incense...
Tuesday - And the backsplash is grouted. Take that! Laundry's done, too. Which proves that one can accomplish much when one's computer is debilitated by a virus. CRAP! It oughtta be legal for us to kill people who make such things... to kick 'em really hard in the nuts at the least.
Wednesday - This place is a refrigerator. Geez...us. Apparently the greenhouse effect is happening everywhere except for our house. HELLO... EXCUSE ME... A little global warming here? If you don't mind?
Friday - Pouring. Starting a gig monday for another high-profile client. Had to sign an NDA so I'm unsure if I can mention his name. I hope corn-on-the-cob this soon before my physical isn't a mistake. A disgusting one.
... to be continued...
Monday - Well, the backsplash still has no grout. But the dog food bin is finally adjusted and the handles installed. Doorbell again. 2nd time today. Listen, ya crack-ho, I'm sorry about the dog barking, but I don't care if you're in high school or if you're knocked-up and homeless. I don't want nunna your teabags, candles, crackers, or incense...
Tuesday - And the backsplash is grouted. Take that! Laundry's done, too. Which proves that one can accomplish much when one's computer is debilitated by a virus. CRAP! It oughtta be legal for us to kill people who make such things... to kick 'em really hard in the nuts at the least.
Wednesday - This place is a refrigerator. Geez...us. Apparently the greenhouse effect is happening everywhere except for our house. HELLO... EXCUSE ME... A little global warming here? If you don't mind?
Friday - Pouring. Starting a gig monday for another high-profile client. Had to sign an NDA so I'm unsure if I can mention his name. I hope corn-on-the-cob this soon before my physical isn't a mistake. A disgusting one.
... to be continued...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Episode 34 - Gone Home
Monday - Back to reality after last week's cruise, or, as it should be called, 'Let's see if we can't stuff a month's worth of food into you in seven days.' Got up, still floating, and left something resembling a sledge-hammer in the toilet. Gawdawmighty, I'm not sure these 'cruises' are good for you. M's fears were for naught as her post-cruise weight is just 105! Amazing. How a 44-year-old lady can look like she does is... ? Baby, here's to another 10 years... and another... and another... and...
'Tuesday - M is over it but, to me, it still feels like I'm floating. Gotta get to the bank to exchange our leftover Mexican money and then re-start the work search.
Wednesday - Is it standard now for a job application to take 3-1/2 hours? Holy crap. 73 questions: 1/3 of them a variation of, 'What drugs do you take for fun?', 1/3, 'How often do you hit people?', and the rest, 'How much do you steal from work?' Then 48 sheets requiring my frikkin' signature and SS#, three more tests about 'How much do you know?', and then, 'Here. Take this large plastic device with the thing on the end and jamb it in your mouth for 15 minutes. This will tell us how much you lied about the drugs you take for fun.' I wanted to shove it up the guy's @$$, take his tv set, and go have a drink.
Night tennis with M, Ricardo, and Jason. Felt good. Floating sensation dying down.
Thursday - Wow. Floating picking up again. Maybe I should eat! I'll start with coffee but all we got is instant. Finished Prisoner of Azkaban last night. How 'bout that Sirius Black fella? Today I'll begin Goblet of Fire. Made an appointment for a physical... so I got that to look forward to... yipdee frikkin doo.
Friday - Dinner at the House of Pancakes. Quite the contrast to 'formal night' last week on the cruise. Another contrast is how frikking cold it is here now. And that there's no jacuzzi. Or a buffet. Or a dozen bars. I miss the towel animal on the bed every night...
... to be continued...
'Tuesday - M is over it but, to me, it still feels like I'm floating. Gotta get to the bank to exchange our leftover Mexican money and then re-start the work search.
Wednesday - Is it standard now for a job application to take 3-1/2 hours? Holy crap. 73 questions: 1/3 of them a variation of, 'What drugs do you take for fun?', 1/3, 'How often do you hit people?', and the rest, 'How much do you steal from work?' Then 48 sheets requiring my frikkin' signature and SS#, three more tests about 'How much do you know?', and then, 'Here. Take this large plastic device with the thing on the end and jamb it in your mouth for 15 minutes. This will tell us how much you lied about the drugs you take for fun.' I wanted to shove it up the guy's @$$, take his tv set, and go have a drink.
Night tennis with M, Ricardo, and Jason. Felt good. Floating sensation dying down.
Thursday - Wow. Floating picking up again. Maybe I should eat! I'll start with coffee but all we got is instant. Finished Prisoner of Azkaban last night. How 'bout that Sirius Black fella? Today I'll begin Goblet of Fire. Made an appointment for a physical... so I got that to look forward to... yipdee frikkin doo.
Friday - Dinner at the House of Pancakes. Quite the contrast to 'formal night' last week on the cruise. Another contrast is how frikking cold it is here now. And that there's no jacuzzi. Or a buffet. Or a dozen bars. I miss the towel animal on the bed every night...
... to be continued...
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Episode 33 - Titanic... Let's hope not
Saturday - Last tennis class of the year. Played against the coach. Showed him a thing or two. By watching me, he now knows how to walk off the court in shame and utter defeat. Gotta mow the lawn before our cruise tomorrow.
Sunday - D-Day. H-Hour. C-Cruise. Coffee's inserted. Sheila's at Tipsy's. Truck's blocking the garage door. Thanks, baby, for the best 10 years of my life... Now gitcher ass outa bed and let's bon voyage outa here...
Made the terminal and learned why it goes by cruise line. You stand in this line to go to that line, which is the line to be in in order to get to the other line over there, which eventually baby-steps it's way back around to this point here where the main line starts. Then that line follows all those other lines which all shift together on command eventually funneling into the final line which is delayed by photographers taking people's pictures. Over the bridge and onto the boat at last! Let's explore...
Monday - FOOOOOOOD!!! My gawd! No wonder people everywhere are starving. All the food is on the cruise ships! Two huge dining rooms, four buffets, deli's, specialty bars, rotisserie, and a gourmet steakhouse, not to mention room service. And it's all paid for, you just walk up and take it. Is the on-board spa ridiculing us by offering a class called, 'Tips On Flattening Your Stomach'? I got tip #1 right here: Stay off the frikkin' cruise boats.
Tuesday - Day at sea. You can't not relax. They force you to relax. What else can you do in the middle of the ocean with not a thing to take care of. At the dance party M and I got into that age-old marital debate. Funny how the wife's 'Jumping around like an idiot' is the husband's 'Showing the Lido deck how to dance to the B-52's'. Baby, these people clearly do not know how it's done...
Wednesday - Puerto Vallarta. BBQ shrimp skewers on the beach for 25 pesos? I'll take cinco, amigo! And dos of your cold cervezas. We'll be right here on your beach chairs.
Thursday - Mazatlan. What in hail are they putting in the beer in Puerto Vallarta? I only had two yesterday and got absolutely wasted. Now M is making up stories. I know they are false because I have no recollection. She says I had four margaritas which were probably doubles because I was tipping pretty good. Ok, so I remember that part, but then, she says, that, four times, I asked the people next to us if they were from L.A. After finding me at the bar, where she says she told me to stay away from, she insists she got me into a taxi and back onto the boat, she contends that I took a shower, crawled naked out of the bathroom, across the floor, under her side of the bed, and popped out from under my side with a 'stupid grin' (her words, not mine). When she asked if I was crawling because I couldn't walk, she claims that my response was, 'I can walk, but I'm doing this because it's so sexy.'
Your honor, I have no memory of the aforementioned incident as related to me by my wife. But I will go shopping with her, without complaining, here in Mazatlan. I will refrain from alcohol and naked crawling in order to increase by whatever small amount my beautiful, lovely, immensely-wiser-than-me, (did I say beautiful?) wife's happiness. Thank you, your honor, for commuting my death sentence and I will not have alcohol for the rest of the cruise. You know... within reason...
Friday - Cabo. 10-year anniversary. Thanks, baby, for the best 10 years a guy could ask for. Mazatlan yesterday was a waste of time. They should skip it and go straight to Cabo where, as it stands, we only had four hours. Missed our hook-up with Don and Jani but we saw a fantastic condo open house, and spent two hours on the beach before heading back to the boat for 'Formal Night' and some kind of comedy hypnosis act or something.
Formal Night - M with her hair up in her Chinese formal dress. What a vision. The women wish they were her and the guys wish they were me. Baby, I don't deserve you.
Well, we're glad we didn't offer ourselves as subjects for the 'Adults Only Comedy Hypnosis' because I'm not sure we want half the boat to know what we sound like when we're orgasming. Seems strange that the young lady sitting next to us volunteered and was videotaped by her... mom and dad? Ok, then... Those two now know their daughter's a screamer... and they have the video to, what? show the rest of the family?
Saturday - Yikes! Rough day at sea! Apparently dramamine cures your seasickness by making you sleep through it. Spent most of the day in our 'stateroom', as it's called, ordering room service and gauging whether or not the waves were higher than the windows down on the crew deck. Sure did seem like it.
Sunday - Arrived six hours late due to a medical emergency in Cabo and rough seas yesterday. Our first cruise and we are sold. That's how you do a vacation. Got Thai food, picked up Sheila and home sweet home. Weird. Still feels like we're on the water.
... to be continued...
Sunday - D-Day. H-Hour. C-Cruise. Coffee's inserted. Sheila's at Tipsy's. Truck's blocking the garage door. Thanks, baby, for the best 10 years of my life... Now gitcher ass outa bed and let's bon voyage outa here...
Made the terminal and learned why it goes by cruise line. You stand in this line to go to that line, which is the line to be in in order to get to the other line over there, which eventually baby-steps it's way back around to this point here where the main line starts. Then that line follows all those other lines which all shift together on command eventually funneling into the final line which is delayed by photographers taking people's pictures. Over the bridge and onto the boat at last! Let's explore...
Monday - FOOOOOOOD!!! My gawd! No wonder people everywhere are starving. All the food is on the cruise ships! Two huge dining rooms, four buffets, deli's, specialty bars, rotisserie, and a gourmet steakhouse, not to mention room service. And it's all paid for, you just walk up and take it. Is the on-board spa ridiculing us by offering a class called, 'Tips On Flattening Your Stomach'? I got tip #1 right here: Stay off the frikkin' cruise boats.
Tuesday - Day at sea. You can't not relax. They force you to relax. What else can you do in the middle of the ocean with not a thing to take care of. At the dance party M and I got into that age-old marital debate. Funny how the wife's 'Jumping around like an idiot' is the husband's 'Showing the Lido deck how to dance to the B-52's'. Baby, these people clearly do not know how it's done...
Wednesday - Puerto Vallarta. BBQ shrimp skewers on the beach for 25 pesos? I'll take cinco, amigo! And dos of your cold cervezas. We'll be right here on your beach chairs.
Thursday - Mazatlan. What in hail are they putting in the beer in Puerto Vallarta? I only had two yesterday and got absolutely wasted. Now M is making up stories. I know they are false because I have no recollection. She says I had four margaritas which were probably doubles because I was tipping pretty good. Ok, so I remember that part, but then, she says, that, four times, I asked the people next to us if they were from L.A. After finding me at the bar, where she says she told me to stay away from, she insists she got me into a taxi and back onto the boat, she contends that I took a shower, crawled naked out of the bathroom, across the floor, under her side of the bed, and popped out from under my side with a 'stupid grin' (her words, not mine). When she asked if I was crawling because I couldn't walk, she claims that my response was, 'I can walk, but I'm doing this because it's so sexy.'
Your honor, I have no memory of the aforementioned incident as related to me by my wife. But I will go shopping with her, without complaining, here in Mazatlan. I will refrain from alcohol and naked crawling in order to increase by whatever small amount my beautiful, lovely, immensely-wiser-than-me, (did I say beautiful?) wife's happiness. Thank you, your honor, for commuting my death sentence and I will not have alcohol for the rest of the cruise. You know... within reason...
Friday - Cabo. 10-year anniversary. Thanks, baby, for the best 10 years a guy could ask for. Mazatlan yesterday was a waste of time. They should skip it and go straight to Cabo where, as it stands, we only had four hours. Missed our hook-up with Don and Jani but we saw a fantastic condo open house, and spent two hours on the beach before heading back to the boat for 'Formal Night' and some kind of comedy hypnosis act or something.
Formal Night - M with her hair up in her Chinese formal dress. What a vision. The women wish they were her and the guys wish they were me. Baby, I don't deserve you.
Well, we're glad we didn't offer ourselves as subjects for the 'Adults Only Comedy Hypnosis' because I'm not sure we want half the boat to know what we sound like when we're orgasming. Seems strange that the young lady sitting next to us volunteered and was videotaped by her... mom and dad? Ok, then... Those two now know their daughter's a screamer... and they have the video to, what? show the rest of the family?
Saturday - Yikes! Rough day at sea! Apparently dramamine cures your seasickness by making you sleep through it. Spent most of the day in our 'stateroom', as it's called, ordering room service and gauging whether or not the waves were higher than the windows down on the crew deck. Sure did seem like it.
Sunday - Arrived six hours late due to a medical emergency in Cabo and rough seas yesterday. Our first cruise and we are sold. That's how you do a vacation. Got Thai food, picked up Sheila and home sweet home. Weird. Still feels like we're on the water.
... to be continued...
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Episode 32 - Oklaho-what?
Saturday - Got two things in tennis class today: a new doubles partner, and our asses handed to us by Ricardo and Lydia. We'll get 'em next time.
Sunday - For two weeks we've had Tipsy while Phil was in Ireland. He returned today and took Tipsy with him. Aahhh. A day without Tipsy is like a day without getting your balls repeatedly jumped on while reading Harry Potter on the couch. A hearty 'thank you' to Phil for the Irish whiskey but don't expect any tequila from mexico because bringing alcohol onto the boat 'no esta permitido'.
Leaving Sunday on a 7-day cruise to Mexico for our 10-year anniversary. Sheila can stay at Phil's and jump on his balls for a change. Payback is a 65 pound bitch.
Tuesday - According to the commercial, the new Reeboks will give ladies an ass just like the ass on the zero-size lingerie model in the ad. So I ask, 'If they're so confident about that, why isn't Reebok also selling zero-size lingerie?'
Wednesday - Email from Jim and Kari: 'We've moved to Oklahoma!' Got it, ya buncha hicks! Do they have jacuzzis over there or do they just put an old bathtub on sawhorses and light a fire under it? Maybe you can send pictures from your neighborhood. You know, stuff like motorcycles built out of 2 x 4's, car's with stop signs embedded in their grills, stuff like that. I want to see a christmas card that shows y'all in jeans and t-shirts out in the yard with cigarettes in your mouths pointing shotguns at the camera. 'Merry Christmas from Oklahoma!, Now get off our land!' (Kari should be in a plaid bathrobe with her hair in curlers.) But seriously, we would drive out there to visit but I'm afraid your neighbors, never having seen one before, may try to feed the car. I give it a year!
Thursday - Finished the window trim and tiled the sills. If I don't get any work I could actually grout the backsplash before our cruise on Sunday.
Friday - Laundry. Underwear. How do women wear these things? Is this the leg? the waist? How can anybody frikkin' tell? They look good but I know there are women out there wearing these damn things crooked because they can't tell which way is up either.
... to be continued...
Sunday - For two weeks we've had Tipsy while Phil was in Ireland. He returned today and took Tipsy with him. Aahhh. A day without Tipsy is like a day without getting your balls repeatedly jumped on while reading Harry Potter on the couch. A hearty 'thank you' to Phil for the Irish whiskey but don't expect any tequila from mexico because bringing alcohol onto the boat 'no esta permitido'.
Leaving Sunday on a 7-day cruise to Mexico for our 10-year anniversary. Sheila can stay at Phil's and jump on his balls for a change. Payback is a 65 pound bitch.
Tuesday - According to the commercial, the new Reeboks will give ladies an ass just like the ass on the zero-size lingerie model in the ad. So I ask, 'If they're so confident about that, why isn't Reebok also selling zero-size lingerie?'
Wednesday - Email from Jim and Kari: 'We've moved to Oklahoma!' Got it, ya buncha hicks! Do they have jacuzzis over there or do they just put an old bathtub on sawhorses and light a fire under it? Maybe you can send pictures from your neighborhood. You know, stuff like motorcycles built out of 2 x 4's, car's with stop signs embedded in their grills, stuff like that. I want to see a christmas card that shows y'all in jeans and t-shirts out in the yard with cigarettes in your mouths pointing shotguns at the camera. 'Merry Christmas from Oklahoma!, Now get off our land!' (Kari should be in a plaid bathrobe with her hair in curlers.) But seriously, we would drive out there to visit but I'm afraid your neighbors, never having seen one before, may try to feed the car. I give it a year!
Thursday - Finished the window trim and tiled the sills. If I don't get any work I could actually grout the backsplash before our cruise on Sunday.
Friday - Laundry. Underwear. How do women wear these things? Is this the leg? the waist? How can anybody frikkin' tell? They look good but I know there are women out there wearing these damn things crooked because they can't tell which way is up either.
... to be continued...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Episode 31 - Dumber and Dumber Still
Saturday - Missed tennis due to the open house at work. Curio-seekers the world over came to see the boss's collection of magic memorabilia. What level of dumb must a person achieve to think it's ok to walk onto another's property and manhandle their one-of-a-kind, museum-quality historic artifacts?
Sunday - Tennis with M. Ouch. Don't they make Celebrex in an industrial strength?
Monday - The Eidophusikon is dismantled and on it's way to some guy's garage in San Diego. People were impressed but apparently this guy really liked it! Then straightened up the shop after saturday's open house. Was told Gideon and I could divvy up the leftover beer which we, needless to say, did.
Tuesday - Shouldn't mention his position here but it turns out one of the guests at our open house was a government VIP. 'Hey boss, is he a collector, too?' 'He's just a nut, like all these other bozos.' Not sure I feel better knowing someone in that position is regarded as a 'bozo'.
Wednesday - Touching story on CNN about a boss who gave his employee his kidney. Similar to my story from two months ago when my boss gave me his boot.
Friday - With the Eidophusikon over, it seems my time at that shop has come to an end. It was good, and we're parting on good terms. Hopefully he'll call when he needs an extra hand.
... to be continued...
Sunday - Tennis with M. Ouch. Don't they make Celebrex in an industrial strength?
Monday - The Eidophusikon is dismantled and on it's way to some guy's garage in San Diego. People were impressed but apparently this guy really liked it! Then straightened up the shop after saturday's open house. Was told Gideon and I could divvy up the leftover beer which we, needless to say, did.
Tuesday - Shouldn't mention his position here but it turns out one of the guests at our open house was a government VIP. 'Hey boss, is he a collector, too?' 'He's just a nut, like all these other bozos.' Not sure I feel better knowing someone in that position is regarded as a 'bozo'.
Wednesday - Touching story on CNN about a boss who gave his employee his kidney. Similar to my story from two months ago when my boss gave me his boot.
Friday - With the Eidophusikon over, it seems my time at that shop has come to an end. It was good, and we're parting on good terms. Hopefully he'll call when he needs an extra hand.
... to be continued...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Episode 30 - No God
Saturday - According to the record we are no longer undefeated in doubles. M says, 'No', but I say the other guys cheated. Worked half a day. Tried to impress the boss by describing my moonwalking abilities. His moonwalking story? Michael Jackson himself moonwalked in his shop.
Is there a better night for attending Oktoberfest than on Halloween on the last day of daylight savings? We get the 'Sexiest Costume' contest and an extra hour of sleep! Who says there's no God?
Oktoberfest on Halloween. Yeah. They had a rock band, decorated the place all special, put up big video screens. They even had four guys in Kiss costumes leading the party. All under a huge structure built to hold 2000 people. Trouble is only about 60 people showed up, us included. No people, no party, no sexy costume contest. There is no God.
Monday - Today we cleaned out our 'lunch' table. This thing is over thirty years old and was built as a magician's prop. On one side, in finely handpainted pinstripe lettering, a message reads, 'Built for Doug Henning by J. G. and Assoc. 1978'. To think that, every day, we're eating lunch off the table that Doug Henning used to produce Brooke Shields.
Tuesday - How is it possible that a stupid little moth can be so skillful at avoiding one's repeated swats as it flaps around your head and then suddenly drop like a rock right into your full glass of wine. Frustrating when it's the good $2 stuff from the fancy bottle with the screw cap.
Wednesday - The History of Magic Conference begins tomorrow for which I've been working the last four weeks. The best part of directing the 'Eidophusikon' is, with a name like that, you sound smart when you talk about it.
Thursday - Met Adelle, one of Harry Blackstone's assistants from the '40s. She's in her early 80's now, about five feet tall, and sharp as an Exacto blade. She wrote a book about her adventures with Blackstone which will be released in 2010.
Friday - Showed up at 8 AM to put the finishing touches on the Eidophusikon before performances begin at 10, only to find out that Doogie Howser requested a performance at 8:15 because he had to leave the conference early. It's not even finished, what the hell are they thinking? So Doogie saw the first run-through and then we patched things up after that. Over all, the Eidophusikon was a smash and seemed to impress all who watched. Obviously we haven't come very far since 1781 when the 'Eido' first astonished London. After it was over, the boss came back stage and said, 'Well, everybody liked it... I don't know why!'
... to be continued...
Is there a better night for attending Oktoberfest than on Halloween on the last day of daylight savings? We get the 'Sexiest Costume' contest and an extra hour of sleep! Who says there's no God?
Oktoberfest on Halloween. Yeah. They had a rock band, decorated the place all special, put up big video screens. They even had four guys in Kiss costumes leading the party. All under a huge structure built to hold 2000 people. Trouble is only about 60 people showed up, us included. No people, no party, no sexy costume contest. There is no God.
Monday - Today we cleaned out our 'lunch' table. This thing is over thirty years old and was built as a magician's prop. On one side, in finely handpainted pinstripe lettering, a message reads, 'Built for Doug Henning by J. G. and Assoc. 1978'. To think that, every day, we're eating lunch off the table that Doug Henning used to produce Brooke Shields.
Tuesday - How is it possible that a stupid little moth can be so skillful at avoiding one's repeated swats as it flaps around your head and then suddenly drop like a rock right into your full glass of wine. Frustrating when it's the good $2 stuff from the fancy bottle with the screw cap.
Wednesday - The History of Magic Conference begins tomorrow for which I've been working the last four weeks. The best part of directing the 'Eidophusikon' is, with a name like that, you sound smart when you talk about it.
Thursday - Met Adelle, one of Harry Blackstone's assistants from the '40s. She's in her early 80's now, about five feet tall, and sharp as an Exacto blade. She wrote a book about her adventures with Blackstone which will be released in 2010.
Friday - Showed up at 8 AM to put the finishing touches on the Eidophusikon before performances begin at 10, only to find out that Doogie Howser requested a performance at 8:15 because he had to leave the conference early. It's not even finished, what the hell are they thinking? So Doogie saw the first run-through and then we patched things up after that. Over all, the Eidophusikon was a smash and seemed to impress all who watched. Obviously we haven't come very far since 1781 when the 'Eido' first astonished London. After it was over, the boss came back stage and said, 'Well, everybody liked it... I don't know why!'
... to be continued...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Episode 29 - Oktoberfest The Sequel
Saturday - Tennis class. Ha! Still undefeated in doubles. M and her partner are undefeated also so we'll have to play for the championship. Now on to more important things: Angels/Yankees game 6. The important part is we can watch it at the pub where they serve something called 'beer'.
Game 6 was canceled, so we went to Oktoberfest again where they also serve beer, but in bigger cups. Not being 'Family Day', people left their young'uns at home. Apparently they don't want their kids to know how adults really behave.
Sunday - Sleeping late is good for headaches. Watching the Angels play like Little League is bad for headaches. Found five Harry Potter books at Goodwill. I'll start book one tonight and see what all the fuss is about.
Wednesday - At work I was rummaging for some duct tape in the corner of a room full of junk when I happened upon Harry Houdini's handcuffs. I'm no antiques collector but that seems like an odd place to keep 'em.
Thursday - Learned that my boss hanged Alice Cooper by the neck and made the Statue of Liberty disappear. Many claims to fame, this guy has.
... to be continued...
Game 6 was canceled, so we went to Oktoberfest again where they also serve beer, but in bigger cups. Not being 'Family Day', people left their young'uns at home. Apparently they don't want their kids to know how adults really behave.
Sunday - Sleeping late is good for headaches. Watching the Angels play like Little League is bad for headaches. Found five Harry Potter books at Goodwill. I'll start book one tonight and see what all the fuss is about.
Wednesday - At work I was rummaging for some duct tape in the corner of a room full of junk when I happened upon Harry Houdini's handcuffs. I'm no antiques collector but that seems like an odd place to keep 'em.
Thursday - Learned that my boss hanged Alice Cooper by the neck and made the Statue of Liberty disappear. Many claims to fame, this guy has.
... to be continued...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Episode 28 - The Great Communicatatorer
Saturday - The Good: In tennis class my partner and I became doubles champions. The Bad: Every shot counted, and it seemed our opponents had never played before. The Ugly: The city delivered a tree to replace the one that fell over. Now I gotta dig a hole in 80 degree heat. Should be nothing for a champion tennis player.
Sunday - The category: Idiots and Electricity for $200. The Answer: About five years. The question: How long can you run the garage off of an extension cord before it deteriorates, starts sparking, and scares the crap out of your wife?
Thursday - M is updating her resume. I'm sorry for laughing, baby, but whaddaya expect when you ask, 'What adjective should you use when you want to say you're an 'excellent' communicator?'
Friday - Do our friends live in shady neighborhoods or are the cosmos just playing tricks on us? A couple years back Jim discovered he lived a few houses away from the lady who 'found' a finger in her Wendy's chili, and just today Phil discovered that the 'Balloon Boy' family used to live two doors down.
... to be continued...
Sunday - The category: Idiots and Electricity for $200. The Answer: About five years. The question: How long can you run the garage off of an extension cord before it deteriorates, starts sparking, and scares the crap out of your wife?
Thursday - M is updating her resume. I'm sorry for laughing, baby, but whaddaya expect when you ask, 'What adjective should you use when you want to say you're an 'excellent' communicator?'
Friday - Do our friends live in shady neighborhoods or are the cosmos just playing tricks on us? A couple years back Jim discovered he lived a few houses away from the lady who 'found' a finger in her Wendy's chili, and just today Phil discovered that the 'Balloon Boy' family used to live two doors down.
... to be continued...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Episode 27 - Oktobermessedup
Saturday - Ahhh, coffee and Celebrex: Breakfast of Former Champions. Maybe a slice of cappuccino mousse from M's birthday, and then tennis class.
Sunday - Well, I was right: No dancing, no drinking games, no contests, no MC's falling over; 'Family Day' at Oktoberfest SUCKS!! Now we have to go next weekend too to show them we are not utter nerds.
Monday - Landed a cool gig working for one of the world's premier illusion builders. In November I'll be presenting an apparatus called the 'Eidophusikon' for audiences of possibly some of the biggest names in magic. Could be fun.
Thursday - For my birthday, M took me to the Palladium where I realized old people all look alike. For about ten seconds I thought it was Bob Dylan when George Thorogood walked on stage. 'Woo-Hooo!! Blowin' in the Wind!!'... Wait a sec... That's George Thorogood... 'Woo-Hooo!! Bad to the Bone!!'
Friday - To the dog park after work where Sheila let a boy dog have it when he, you could say, asked her for a date. Atta girl! He won't try that again! Then to the bar to watch the Angels play the Yankees. Whaddaya know - the Dos Equis girls are here. Just a thought, but it seems like a beer promotion might be more successful if they hired cute girls.
...to be continued...
Sunday - Well, I was right: No dancing, no drinking games, no contests, no MC's falling over; 'Family Day' at Oktoberfest SUCKS!! Now we have to go next weekend too to show them we are not utter nerds.
Monday - Landed a cool gig working for one of the world's premier illusion builders. In November I'll be presenting an apparatus called the 'Eidophusikon' for audiences of possibly some of the biggest names in magic. Could be fun.
Thursday - For my birthday, M took me to the Palladium where I realized old people all look alike. For about ten seconds I thought it was Bob Dylan when George Thorogood walked on stage. 'Woo-Hooo!! Blowin' in the Wind!!'... Wait a sec... That's George Thorogood... 'Woo-Hooo!! Bad to the Bone!!'
Friday - To the dog park after work where Sheila let a boy dog have it when he, you could say, asked her for a date. Atta girl! He won't try that again! Then to the bar to watch the Angels play the Yankees. Whaddaya know - the Dos Equis girls are here. Just a thought, but it seems like a beer promotion might be more successful if they hired cute girls.
...to be continued...
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Episode 26 - Dial M For Birthday
Sunday - Today's advice: Do NOT be fooled into thinking that the more expensive wines are of higher quality. At 'Henry's' grand opening I passed over the $1.95 bottle and splurged on the $2.00 stuff and I gotta say, despite the price, that wine really is not good! Shouldn't have bought three bottles, I guess.
Thursday - Now that's when you really know you're unemployed: when you wake up on Thursday and realize you haven't showered since Monday! Happy Birthday Baby!! Don'tcha wanna come over here and gitcha summa this?!
... to be continued...
Monday - I shall now put into practice my long-held belief that when one finishes installing a pull-out dog-food bin into one's pantry, one has gotta take a shotta tequila. I'd go for more but M may get suspicious upon experiencing my enhanced sense of humor.
Tuesday - Note to Phil: When you offer to buy a friend breakfast at the 'cash only' cafe, you might want to consider bringing, you know, cash so that your friend doesn't end up paying for your breakfast instead.
Ok, then, let's try that again and this time we will not book an all night rodeo scene on the wife's birthday. Good thing they let you cancel. Oh well, I didn't have a cowboy hat to wear anyways.
Wednesday - Dang! It was so fun last year at Oktoberfest watching the MC drink until he fell over but this year our friends want to go on 'Family Day'. What the... ?? Sounds like another way of saying, 'Nobody will be drunk.' Oh well, maybe we can go the following weekend, too.
Thursday - Now that's when you really know you're unemployed: when you wake up on Thursday and realize you haven't showered since Monday! Happy Birthday Baby!! Don'tcha wanna come over here and gitcha summa this?!
... to be continued...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Episode 25 - The Steve Stalker
Sunday - Is some primordial urge fulfilled in all men or is it just me who occasionally twists my face into a mess, crosses my eyes, and stutters to my wife, 'Y - Y - You married this!' ? Either way, it's a useful device for keeping her humble. Got a call to work on the show 'The Office' tomorrow. I guess I'll go down there and see what they know.
Monday - Worked on the show 'The Office' all day. What? Did I forget to mention I'm a professional actor now? Oh yeah... That's me. Spent the day 'on set', as we say in 'the biz', with Steve Carell. That's right... 40 Year-Old Virgin. We're tight, both of us being professional actors and all. Gotta lot in common. I didn't actually talk to him, directly, or anything, but it's clear we have a kinship. I felt it. He was in his chair 40 feet away and he picked me out... in a crowd of 400 extras... and we locked eyes for a good... quarter second... and that's when I knew for sure that we were psychic brothers, man. Non-actors don't get it, like those stupid security guards who kept asking me to leave. I mean, I told them I was trying to talk to my bro. I explained rather loudly, 'Hey... I AM AN ACK TORE!' And Steve's my bro, man... Tell 'em, Steve!... ... Hey, Get your hands off me!' Idiots! So anyways, the proof is that... my good buddy Steve? He arranged for me to leave set early and go home. Ha! Take that! So, all the other suckers had to stay there and work all day and I'm the only one who got my own security detail to escort me all the way to my car. So there! Anyways, I'm just waiting at home here for Steve because, I'm sure he'll be calling to drop by and give me a bunch of money and stuff... Any minute now...
Got another call for Wednesday, some wedding scene or something...
Wednesday - It's not so much the gay wedding in the park. It's when the gay wedding gets attacked by sword-wielding, bomb-tossing ninjas, arriving in a spaceship that looks and functions exactly like a '76 Chrysler station wagon. That's when you know you're in Hollywood. Glad I was watching when they blew up the pasta because I was very nearly struck by a flying rigatoni.
Thursday - No work today, so it's either build the pull-out dog food bin for the pantry or come up with a clever excuse as for why I didn't... Let's see now...
Friday - While building the dog-food bin I was rudely interrupted by my inner bone-head and now the thing is 1/4" too wide. Frustrating. So, in order to avoid buying more material, I've gotta figure something out...
BTW, I didn't really get thrown off the set of 'The Office'. That was what us pros in 'the biz' call 'artistic license'.
... to be continued...
Monday - Worked on the show 'The Office' all day. What? Did I forget to mention I'm a professional actor now? Oh yeah... That's me. Spent the day 'on set', as we say in 'the biz', with Steve Carell. That's right... 40 Year-Old Virgin. We're tight, both of us being professional actors and all. Gotta lot in common. I didn't actually talk to him, directly, or anything, but it's clear we have a kinship. I felt it. He was in his chair 40 feet away and he picked me out... in a crowd of 400 extras... and we locked eyes for a good... quarter second... and that's when I knew for sure that we were psychic brothers, man. Non-actors don't get it, like those stupid security guards who kept asking me to leave. I mean, I told them I was trying to talk to my bro. I explained rather loudly, 'Hey... I AM AN ACK TORE!' And Steve's my bro, man... Tell 'em, Steve!... ... Hey, Get your hands off me!' Idiots! So anyways, the proof is that... my good buddy Steve? He arranged for me to leave set early and go home. Ha! Take that! So, all the other suckers had to stay there and work all day and I'm the only one who got my own security detail to escort me all the way to my car. So there! Anyways, I'm just waiting at home here for Steve because, I'm sure he'll be calling to drop by and give me a bunch of money and stuff... Any minute now...
Got another call for Wednesday, some wedding scene or something...
Wednesday - It's not so much the gay wedding in the park. It's when the gay wedding gets attacked by sword-wielding, bomb-tossing ninjas, arriving in a spaceship that looks and functions exactly like a '76 Chrysler station wagon. That's when you know you're in Hollywood. Glad I was watching when they blew up the pasta because I was very nearly struck by a flying rigatoni.
Thursday - No work today, so it's either build the pull-out dog food bin for the pantry or come up with a clever excuse as for why I didn't... Let's see now...
Friday - While building the dog-food bin I was rudely interrupted by my inner bone-head and now the thing is 1/4" too wide. Frustrating. So, in order to avoid buying more material, I've gotta figure something out...
BTW, I didn't really get thrown off the set of 'The Office'. That was what us pros in 'the biz' call 'artistic license'.
... to be continued...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Episode 24 - Friday Night Sights
Sunday - Aaah, coffee, the anti-nose-hair. It's expecting a lot but if I can get M up before it gets hot we could get the windows replaced. Maybe if I slooowly increase the volume on the football game...
Yeah, baby! M is up and the windows are installed. Waiting for the neighbor's dog to start barking so we can make a sound test.
Tuesday - There's a book called, 'All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten'. Yeah... Well, maybe I missed that day but I don't remember my kindergarten teacher ever saying anything about not drinking coffee in the morning after pounding a Jalapeno Six-Dollar Burger the night before. Wheeew... Do NOT go in there!
Wednesday - Unemployment does have it's merits. For one, it allows amateur scientists to conduct experiments like 'How many days can a guy go without a shower before his wife threatens to call the authorities?' It also allows a guy to fix the dishwasher, which was chewed on by a rat causing the water to dump onto the floor three times before we realized it. That's weird... Why is the dish soap not dissolving?
Friday - Tonight I discovered a new hobby... call it... a Reason To Live... It's called Friday Night Football and it's got everything a guy could want in a sport: running, blocking, passing, hard hitting, wedge picking hot chicks playing football in their underwear. Welcome to the Lingerie Football League! And congratulations to the Dallas Desire, for a decisive win over the Denver Dream, who really took a spanking. Yeah, baby! Gentlemen, start your DVR's.
... to be continued...
Yeah, baby! M is up and the windows are installed. Waiting for the neighbor's dog to start barking so we can make a sound test.
Monday - Frank Sinatra said, 'You only live once, but if you live like me, once is enough.' I say, 'Once is not enough if you didn't get a chance to sample Michiyo's Sake Chicken.' Baby, how do you do it?
Tuesday - There's a book called, 'All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten'. Yeah... Well, maybe I missed that day but I don't remember my kindergarten teacher ever saying anything about not drinking coffee in the morning after pounding a Jalapeno Six-Dollar Burger the night before. Wheeew... Do NOT go in there!
Wednesday - Unemployment does have it's merits. For one, it allows amateur scientists to conduct experiments like 'How many days can a guy go without a shower before his wife threatens to call the authorities?' It also allows a guy to fix the dishwasher, which was chewed on by a rat causing the water to dump onto the floor three times before we realized it. That's weird... Why is the dish soap not dissolving?
Friday - Tonight I discovered a new hobby... call it... a Reason To Live... It's called Friday Night Football and it's got everything a guy could want in a sport: running, blocking, passing, hard hitting, wedge picking hot chicks playing football in their underwear. Welcome to the Lingerie Football League! And congratulations to the Dallas Desire, for a decisive win over the Denver Dream, who really took a spanking. Yeah, baby! Gentlemen, start your DVR's.
... to be continued...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Episode 23 - Full Time Writer
Friday - I prefer to think of it this way: My boss enjoys my blog so much that he's allowing me to write full time. But it's more accurate to just say I got laid off. One day before my birthday? Thanks, dude, for the generous gift. The upside is I can no longer say, 'I hate my job.' The downside is I have no excuse to put off kitchen work. Windows should be in Thursday.
Sunday - There are two schools of thought when confronted with a rat in your new kitchen. 1) Call pest control immediately and eradicate the problem, or 2) Place traps yourself, catch nothing, and then, upon sighting the leetle varmint, watch your wife scream, run out of the kitchen and trip over the folding chair like some drunken attempt at jumping hurdles. The first course of action may fix the problem more quickly, but the second is waaay more entertaining. Darndest thing I ever saw. Didn't even slow her down; kept right on running and screaming all the way to the bedroom.
Sunday - There are two schools of thought when confronted with a rat in your new kitchen. 1) Call pest control immediately and eradicate the problem, or 2) Place traps yourself, catch nothing, and then, upon sighting the leetle varmint, watch your wife scream, run out of the kitchen and trip over the folding chair like some drunken attempt at jumping hurdles. The first course of action may fix the problem more quickly, but the second is waaay more entertaining. Darndest thing I ever saw. Didn't even slow her down; kept right on running and screaming all the way to the bedroom.
Monday - Apparently the rats have been coming in through the doggie door. So that's gotta remain closed for a couple months until they're all gone. That means Sheila will have to hold it until morning. Also means I have no way to get in if I forget my keys.
Wednesday - Perhaps the worst thing about being laid off is that there is not one thing, no 'forest fire', no 'allergy', no 'sudden job interview', nothing, that can be used as an excuse as to why you didn't clean the shower. Sorry, baby. I'll get it tomorrow.
Friday - Registered with Central Casting. Hey, even 'extra' work is better than sitting on the couch, eating potato chips.
... to be continued...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Episode 22 - Boom And Julia
Sunday - First Dog Beach of the year. Sorry, ladies. I'm willing to bet Sheila is one of the smartest dogs here, but she still doesn't grasp the concept that your towel spread out here means this is your space. Do you need help getting the sand off your bikinis?... I guess not. ... ... ... ... Good dog, Sheila, that was hot !
Tuesday - Two throws with the football is all it took to knock down the tennis shoes that have been hanging on the power line out front since July. Sealed the opening where the range hood vent goes through the ceiling. After two months of practically nothing I'm actually getting stuff done. See baby, I'm not lazy. I don't care what your dad says.
Wednesday - All right. Rib eyes on sale at Ralphs. How can you get angry at a dog who sneaks under the dining table, sticks her face in your crotch, and belches. Sheila, you are one classy canine. Hoping our windows come in so we can get those replaced this weekend.
Friday - Was that Julia's bachellorette party raising a ruckus? Maybe. But it might also have been a sonic boom from the Space Shuttle landing. Scared the crap out of the dog. Congratulations Julia! But be warned: Peter is about to become 'no longer funny'. See Episode 11 - The Truth About Wives And Dogs
... to be continued...
Tuesday - Two throws with the football is all it took to knock down the tennis shoes that have been hanging on the power line out front since July. Sealed the opening where the range hood vent goes through the ceiling. After two months of practically nothing I'm actually getting stuff done. See baby, I'm not lazy. I don't care what your dad says.
Wednesday - All right. Rib eyes on sale at Ralphs. How can you get angry at a dog who sneaks under the dining table, sticks her face in your crotch, and belches. Sheila, you are one classy canine. Hoping our windows come in so we can get those replaced this weekend.
Friday - Was that Julia's bachellorette party raising a ruckus? Maybe. But it might also have been a sonic boom from the Space Shuttle landing. Scared the crap out of the dog. Congratulations Julia! But be warned: Peter is about to become 'no longer funny'. See Episode 11 - The Truth About Wives And Dogs
... to be continued...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Episode 21 - Invasion Of The Snotty Snatchers
Saturday - Nasty sore throat. Some of the backsplash tiles finally came in, but, by this time, they were all out of the travertine that we liked. Should have more on Tuesday.
Wednesday - Cabinet knobs. What part of 'I need 28 of these' is not clear? Listen ya old bag with your bleached buzz cut and your mid-life crisis, I don't care if they come from another store or from the manufacturer or if you pull them out of your... well, maybe I care about that... but why are you asking me where to order them from? You're the one who works here. Can you please just get 28 of them from wherever it is they come from and get them to me?
Thursday - Cry Iced is this swine flu or what? This is not snot. This is Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.
... to be continued...
Wednesday - Cabinet knobs. What part of 'I need 28 of these' is not clear? Listen ya old bag with your bleached buzz cut and your mid-life crisis, I don't care if they come from another store or from the manufacturer or if you pull them out of your... well, maybe I care about that... but why are you asking me where to order them from? You're the one who works here. Can you please just get 28 of them from wherever it is they come from and get them to me?
Thursday - Cry Iced is this swine flu or what? This is not snot. This is Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.
... to be continued...
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Episode 20 - The Unbearable Pendant Light-ness Of Being
Saturday - Under the house one more time to connect the water to the new fridge. Wasn't sure if I liked those new solder-less plumbing fittings but when molten solder dripped across my arm while putting together the old-fashioned kind, I suddenly developed a fondness for the new ones. Pricey, but painless. Ouch. Blister.
Water is 'on'. Filtered water and ice without opening the fridge. Living like humans isn't so bad.
Sunday - For 18 hours we thought the neighbor was doing something weird in his backyard. Turns out it was the fridge making ice. What the heck is he doing out there?
Monday - Let's install the pendant light. Step one: screw nut onto threads to secure glass. Ok, like this... What's wrong?... These threads are messed up... Crap, now it won't come off... What the...? Ah, crap... It's like it's welded on... Who makes this junk?... Back to store... Return Line, 'Can I just get another one?' 'Nope, you gotta return it here and then stand in line and buy another one.' Breathe iiiiin... resist smashing pendant light on clerk's temple... breathe oooout... Ok, inside store. This time be smart: Open the box and make sure that the nut screws onto the threads. Ha! This one works. To Checkout... of course... the old bat in front of me can't figure out the zipper on her purse. When I'm outsmarted by a zipper, just kill me. Finally home... Let's install this stupid thing... I know this one works because I checked it carefully. So how is it that I got the wrong color? God, just... kill me now.
Tuesday - Listed the old window on craigslist. One guy inquired but apparently he confused my response with some other email of his because when he wrote back the 2nd time he gave me some very personal information and then asked me for a date. Ok, then... Does this mean you don't want the window?
Thursday - I hope the two neighbor ladies didn't get too attached to 'the widdle possum' they seemed so excited about today because most likely it's the same 'widdle possum' that Sheila killed in our backyard. Pendant light installed. No switch yet, but it's nice to have those wires in the ceiling covered up finally.
... to be continued...
Water is 'on'. Filtered water and ice without opening the fridge. Living like humans isn't so bad.
Sunday - For 18 hours we thought the neighbor was doing something weird in his backyard. Turns out it was the fridge making ice. What the heck is he doing out there?
Monday - Let's install the pendant light. Step one: screw nut onto threads to secure glass. Ok, like this... What's wrong?... These threads are messed up... Crap, now it won't come off... What the...? Ah, crap... It's like it's welded on... Who makes this junk?... Back to store... Return Line, 'Can I just get another one?' 'Nope, you gotta return it here and then stand in line and buy another one.' Breathe iiiiin... resist smashing pendant light on clerk's temple... breathe oooout... Ok, inside store. This time be smart: Open the box and make sure that the nut screws onto the threads. Ha! This one works. To Checkout... of course... the old bat in front of me can't figure out the zipper on her purse. When I'm outsmarted by a zipper, just kill me. Finally home... Let's install this stupid thing... I know this one works because I checked it carefully. So how is it that I got the wrong color? God, just... kill me now.
Tuesday - Listed the old window on craigslist. One guy inquired but apparently he confused my response with some other email of his because when he wrote back the 2nd time he gave me some very personal information and then asked me for a date. Ok, then... Does this mean you don't want the window?
Thursday - I hope the two neighbor ladies didn't get too attached to 'the widdle possum' they seemed so excited about today because most likely it's the same 'widdle possum' that Sheila killed in our backyard. Pendant light installed. No switch yet, but it's nice to have those wires in the ceiling covered up finally.
... to be continued...
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Episode 19 - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Buy A Stove - Part Deux (that's French!)
Saturday - Finally got our long-awaited and well-deserved massages. It was too short and she didn't even touch my feet so I still want to go back for more. But I slept like a sedimentary rock in a pleistocene alluvial floodplain. Here comes M, back from the gym with breakfast stuff. Ooh, what's it gonna be this time?
Sunday - Found another stove, but then our washing machine broke. Picked one up two blocks away for a hundred bucks. Can we just go for a stove and come back with a stove? Cleared the patio of construction trash but now we have a busted old washing machine sitting out there. One can be white and one can take out the trash, but one cannot take the trash out of the white trash. Mowed the lawn wearing sandals. Neighbors may think me white trash, but I sure does got green feet.
Monday - Day of organizing. Sold the dishwasher. All kitchen items returned from office to kitchen. Futon from LR to office. Dining table from LR to DR. Dining chairs out of BR. Kitchen entry painted. Busted washer moved to curb. Old fridge to patio 'til sold. Entire place cleaned.
My God! Walking through the front door now is an entirely new experience. This place has been transformed. Bunch of details to finish but the light at the end of the tunnel is shining right in our faces. It's going to be fun having people over, especially those who saw the place before. Can't wait to see your reactions! Sheila doesn't even seem to notice. Bitch.
Thursday - Sold fridge for a hundred bucks. That pays for the washing machine. He'll pick it up on Sunday.
Friday - Toe kick finished. Sold kitchen storage cabinet. Backsplash tile due Wednesday.
... to be continued...
Sunday - Found another stove, but then our washing machine broke. Picked one up two blocks away for a hundred bucks. Can we just go for a stove and come back with a stove? Cleared the patio of construction trash but now we have a busted old washing machine sitting out there. One can be white and one can take out the trash, but one cannot take the trash out of the white trash. Mowed the lawn wearing sandals. Neighbors may think me white trash, but I sure does got green feet.
Monday - Day of organizing. Sold the dishwasher. All kitchen items returned from office to kitchen. Futon from LR to office. Dining table from LR to DR. Dining chairs out of BR. Kitchen entry painted. Busted washer moved to curb. Old fridge to patio 'til sold. Entire place cleaned.
My God! Walking through the front door now is an entirely new experience. This place has been transformed. Bunch of details to finish but the light at the end of the tunnel is shining right in our faces. It's going to be fun having people over, especially those who saw the place before. Can't wait to see your reactions! Sheila doesn't even seem to notice. Bitch.
Thursday - Sold fridge for a hundred bucks. That pays for the washing machine. He'll pick it up on Sunday.
Friday - Toe kick finished. Sold kitchen storage cabinet. Backsplash tile due Wednesday.
... to be continued...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Episode 18 - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Buy A Stove
Saturday - Someone please explain to me how a girl who grew up in Japan can come over here and make huevos rancheros better than most mexicans. And then say that she screwed 'em up. Baby, if these are screwed up, please, make me some that aren't.
Backsplash is designed. Tomorrow we will order travertine subway tiles with glass and stainless details. M is quite the designer.
Sunday - I keep going to the bedroom for the dishes. They're not in the bedroom; they're in the kitchen. Going to see a stove and order tile.
On our way to see that stove we bought a fridge. Then we delivered the fridge, finished the cabinets around the fridge, cleaned the fridge, installed the fridge, and, for a moment, thought we broke the fridge. Seems to be working fine. M also learned some basic electrical. Or should I say she got schooled on grabbing a plug that is hanging out of the wall on it's wires. Sorry baby! I thought you'd already taken that class. Fridge looks great but we're not sure why we're not getting any water. Maybe Juan never hooked it up? Guess I'll be crawling back under the house tomorrow.
Monday - Yup. Juan never hooked up the water to the fridge.
Tue, Wed, Thu - Too much overtime, no kitchen time. I got two words: tie yurd.
Friday - Thank you! Finally. A day without OT. Being salaried sucks. So does working with the new guy who seemingly slept through school. Hey, dude, measure this and tell me what is. "46 and two thirds inches." ??? We are sooo going to be run over by the Chinese.
... to be continued...
Backsplash is designed. Tomorrow we will order travertine subway tiles with glass and stainless details. M is quite the designer.
Sunday - I keep going to the bedroom for the dishes. They're not in the bedroom; they're in the kitchen. Going to see a stove and order tile.
On our way to see that stove we bought a fridge. Then we delivered the fridge, finished the cabinets around the fridge, cleaned the fridge, installed the fridge, and, for a moment, thought we broke the fridge. Seems to be working fine. M also learned some basic electrical. Or should I say she got schooled on grabbing a plug that is hanging out of the wall on it's wires. Sorry baby! I thought you'd already taken that class. Fridge looks great but we're not sure why we're not getting any water. Maybe Juan never hooked it up? Guess I'll be crawling back under the house tomorrow.
Monday - Yup. Juan never hooked up the water to the fridge.
Tue, Wed, Thu - Too much overtime, no kitchen time. I got two words: tie yurd.
Friday - Thank you! Finally. A day without OT. Being salaried sucks. So does working with the new guy who seemingly slept through school. Hey, dude, measure this and tell me what is. "46 and two thirds inches." ??? We are sooo going to be run over by the Chinese.
... to be continued...
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Episode 17 - The Out Of Downers
Saturday - So nice of our neighbors last night to give us a plate of delicious food from their bbq. To pay them back we've hired two guys to cut granite on our back patio at 8:AM. You're Welcome! We have good neighbors, but I can't say that our neighbors have good neighbors.
The good news is that the granite is IN! The bad news is that our stove also is in. Can you say, 'Fish out of water?' How about, 'Doo-doo on a diamond?' Need appliances. The granite looks fantastic; M can't stop staring at it.
Sunday - No water yet but M's cooking for the first time in her new kitchen. Her first complaint: too much room. Let's see if we can't get that faucet hooked up today. M's gonna start clearing the back bedroom and fill up the cabinets. How long have we been living like this? I'm gonna sort of miss it... NOT!
I learned a new trick I call 'How to make your wife happy to do the dishes'. First, make her do the dishes in the bathtub for four months. Then, get the kitchen sink up and running. That's it! That's all you gotta do! Shame they don't teach these things in school.
Monday - Final two drawers installed. Minor electrical. Picked up some dimmers for the kitchen lights. Them puppies ain't cheap. M is cooking. Got a ways to go still, but being able to use the kitchen is like breathing after a good water boarding.
Friday - Oooh. It's been great. I haven't done crap since monday. It's no longer such a downer walking in here. But my vacation is over as tomorrow we begin our backsplash tile hunt. Lots of little details to finish. The temptation now is to slack off since the kitchen is actually usable. Must... resist...
...to be continued...
The good news is that the granite is IN! The bad news is that our stove also is in. Can you say, 'Fish out of water?' How about, 'Doo-doo on a diamond?' Need appliances. The granite looks fantastic; M can't stop staring at it.
Sunday - No water yet but M's cooking for the first time in her new kitchen. Her first complaint: too much room. Let's see if we can't get that faucet hooked up today. M's gonna start clearing the back bedroom and fill up the cabinets. How long have we been living like this? I'm gonna sort of miss it... NOT!
I learned a new trick I call 'How to make your wife happy to do the dishes'. First, make her do the dishes in the bathtub for four months. Then, get the kitchen sink up and running. That's it! That's all you gotta do! Shame they don't teach these things in school.
Monday - Final two drawers installed. Minor electrical. Picked up some dimmers for the kitchen lights. Them puppies ain't cheap. M is cooking. Got a ways to go still, but being able to use the kitchen is like breathing after a good water boarding.
Friday - Oooh. It's been great. I haven't done crap since monday. It's no longer such a downer walking in here. But my vacation is over as tomorrow we begin our backsplash tile hunt. Lots of little details to finish. The temptation now is to slack off since the kitchen is actually usable. Must... resist...
...to be continued...
Friday, May 8, 2009
Episode 16 - Big Saturday
Saturday - D-Day. The Big One. The Moment of Truth. To M, this is the big, exciting event we've been working toward; the day we finally get to install our cabinets. To me, it's the day of dread when we discover how badly I screwed up the prep work.
Got five cabs built and four installed. I was skeptical at first of the chinese-made, assemble-yourself cabs, but I gotta say, after putting a few together with the instructions they give you, I am dead sold on buying custom cabinets made here in America. I want an I-phone app that'll locate an idiot with an engineering degree and email him a phhhhucking clue. Thanks, baby, for the neck massage. Now stop, will you, I'm gonna spill my martini.
Sunday - To Beverly Hills to check out a Jenn-Air range we found on craigslist. Looks like a good deal.
Zippidee Doo Dah Day. Awesome deal on that Jenn-Air range. Stainless steel, dual ovens, five burners, self-cleaning, and matching microwave range hood for just five hundred bucks! I love the internet! Thanks to craigslist we got to see that beautiful stove being dollied out to the street by the guy who bought it juuuust as we pulled up to the house. Damn cheapskate. Why doesn't he go buy a new stove and quit messing up my day?
Monday - Drawer cabs built, one installed. Someone oughtta inform the June bugs flying through the house that it's only May.
Tuesday - Two more bad boys in.
Wednesday - One more down and one to go. Days are getting hot.
Thursday - A sink and faucet and we're ready for granite. Feels like every cell in my body is screaming, 'Eee-nuff !'
Friday - M has verrry good taste in faucets. Her taste in sinks, more simple, so the budget is intact. Sheila's sniffing out jerky treats hidden throughout the house. Hey, Sheila, go find the steak knives, will you? I can't find 'em anywhere. Granite in the morning. Glass of wine and I'll be out like Black Galaxy. That's the color of the granite; do I have to explain everything?
... to be continued...
Got five cabs built and four installed. I was skeptical at first of the chinese-made, assemble-yourself cabs, but I gotta say, after putting a few together with the instructions they give you, I am dead sold on buying custom cabinets made here in America. I want an I-phone app that'll locate an idiot with an engineering degree and email him a phhhhucking clue. Thanks, baby, for the neck massage. Now stop, will you, I'm gonna spill my martini.
Sunday - To Beverly Hills to check out a Jenn-Air range we found on craigslist. Looks like a good deal.
Zippidee Doo Dah Day. Awesome deal on that Jenn-Air range. Stainless steel, dual ovens, five burners, self-cleaning, and matching microwave range hood for just five hundred bucks! I love the internet! Thanks to craigslist we got to see that beautiful stove being dollied out to the street by the guy who bought it juuuust as we pulled up to the house. Damn cheapskate. Why doesn't he go buy a new stove and quit messing up my day?
Monday - Drawer cabs built, one installed. Someone oughtta inform the June bugs flying through the house that it's only May.
Tuesday - Two more bad boys in.
Wednesday - One more down and one to go. Days are getting hot.
Thursday - A sink and faucet and we're ready for granite. Feels like every cell in my body is screaming, 'Eee-nuff !'
Friday - M has verrry good taste in faucets. Her taste in sinks, more simple, so the budget is intact. Sheila's sniffing out jerky treats hidden throughout the house. Hey, Sheila, go find the steak knives, will you? I can't find 'em anywhere. Granite in the morning. Glass of wine and I'll be out like Black Galaxy. That's the color of the granite; do I have to explain everything?
... to be continued...
Friday, May 1, 2009
Episode 15 - The World According To Priorities
Saturday - Steven Stills said, 'If you can't be with the one you love then love the one you're with. I say, 'If you can't have the tile you want, then say, 'screw it', and get the cheapest tile you can find.' Finally got our tile. Not our first choice, but doesn't suck completely. And way cheap so we can spend more on the backsplash. Now, in celebration of the approaching swine flu epidemic, we are off to spend the evening in close quarters with several hundred strangers while Tad performs at the Magic Castle. Break a leg, dude! Weird way to say, 'Good luck'. Why not, 'Rip out your larynx', or 'Club your head with a rake'?
Sunday - O.k. coffee, work your magic. Big day ahead. Gotta install the tile and mow the lawn. But first I'd like to do a little trick I call, 'Getting M's Ass Out Of Bed.' Watch closely... Nothing up my sleeves... Nothing behind my back... O.k. Sheila, jump on the bed... Ta Daa!
Whoa boy. Tile installed and lawn mowed. Even organized a little bit. All that on two tacos and refried beans. Ooh, danger! Here's how to annoy your wife: Get up. Don't touch your hair. Go to Home Depot wearing old shorts, worn out shoes, and last night's dress socks.
Monday - Night off before grouting tomorrow. Let's go to Costco. For reaching the milestone of installing the floor, I say I deserve a bottle of gin and a jar of green olives. I think my martini glass is in the bedroom... with the rest of the dishes.
Tuesday - Needed a container in which to mix the grout so I grabbed an old buddy, my beer making bucket and, for a moment, I'm taken back. I'd just graduated college and couldn't land a job to save my life. I was down to my last $200 with no paycheck in sight. Feeling desperate and forced by circumstances, I made a decision. I went to my drawer, took half my remaining cash, and spent it on beer making equipment. I don't know if that was ballsy or stupid but it sure did make good beer! Now, bucket, you are soiled with leftover grout. Good bye my friend and rest in peace. The grout is finished. Did I just eulogize a bucket?
Wednesday - Goodbye grout haze. Hello curry pork! Baby, you are awesome.
Thursday - Grout sealed. Granite guy says he'll call in the morning. Cabs this weekend...
Friday - I told Walter the granite guy 4:00 It's now 5:30. Did he think I said something else? What could "4:00" possibly sound like to a Mexican guy over a cell phone? 4:00...4:00... Oh, I got it. Yeah, he won't be calling.
... to be continued...
Sunday - O.k. coffee, work your magic. Big day ahead. Gotta install the tile and mow the lawn. But first I'd like to do a little trick I call, 'Getting M's Ass Out Of Bed.' Watch closely... Nothing up my sleeves... Nothing behind my back... O.k. Sheila, jump on the bed... Ta Daa!
Whoa boy. Tile installed and lawn mowed. Even organized a little bit. All that on two tacos and refried beans. Ooh, danger! Here's how to annoy your wife: Get up. Don't touch your hair. Go to Home Depot wearing old shorts, worn out shoes, and last night's dress socks.
Monday - Night off before grouting tomorrow. Let's go to Costco. For reaching the milestone of installing the floor, I say I deserve a bottle of gin and a jar of green olives. I think my martini glass is in the bedroom... with the rest of the dishes.
Tuesday - Needed a container in which to mix the grout so I grabbed an old buddy, my beer making bucket and, for a moment, I'm taken back. I'd just graduated college and couldn't land a job to save my life. I was down to my last $200 with no paycheck in sight. Feeling desperate and forced by circumstances, I made a decision. I went to my drawer, took half my remaining cash, and spent it on beer making equipment. I don't know if that was ballsy or stupid but it sure did make good beer! Now, bucket, you are soiled with leftover grout. Good bye my friend and rest in peace. The grout is finished. Did I just eulogize a bucket?
Wednesday - Goodbye grout haze. Hello curry pork! Baby, you are awesome.
Thursday - Grout sealed. Granite guy says he'll call in the morning. Cabs this weekend...
Friday - I told Walter the granite guy 4:00 It's now 5:30. Did he think I said something else? What could "4:00" possibly sound like to a Mexican guy over a cell phone? 4:00...4:00... Oh, I got it. Yeah, he won't be calling.
... to be continued...
Friday, April 24, 2009
Episode 14 - In Search Of The Floor Tile
Saturday - Gotta get the tile today so we can pay our respects tomorrow at the altar of white trashery, The Long Beach Grand Prix. Good luck Mark and Miwako. Hope you're happy in Silicon Valley. Tile shopping was productive. Still don't have any tile but we now know not to spend $400 on it before taking a sample home and discovering that it's purple.
Sunday - No tile, so no Grand Prix. Breathe in... breathe out. Found the perfect tile at Lowe's. Then found out it's discontinued. Can you say square one?. Breathe in... breathe out. If M had any appreciation at all for the classics of american cinema she wouldn't be doing the dishes that loudly when 'Zombie Strippers' is on TV.
Tuesday - Final can light installed. Friends suck. Finally chose the floor tile and then Tad came over with his big ol' fancy design degree and made us realize our ineptitude. Skuh-ware one again... Ok, screw it. We're going with the darker, richer tile. Happy, Mr. Man? Wait til you do your kitchen. I'm gonna be there every frikkin' day. "You can't do drywall like that.", "Is this how you wire a switch?". Ohh, it's gonna be good!
Wednesday - Tile purchased. Could be here as early as tomorrow which would mean tiling this weekend.
Thursday - Ok then, tile won't be here 'til wednesday. I'm in a tricky place after fixing the bathroom faucet. Does a sacred vow of marriage require a guy to disclose to his wife that, after procrastinating for two months, it only took 3 minutes to fix the leak? Or is my love life better served by spreading a ton of tools around the sink for her to see when she comes home?
Friday - Perfect. Antonio called to say 'Hi'. Then he said that the tile he insisted would be here on Wednesday would actually take "weeks" to get here. Breathe in... Breathe out... And then go choke the breath out of Antonio.
... to be continued...
Sunday - No tile, so no Grand Prix. Breathe in... breathe out. Found the perfect tile at Lowe's. Then found out it's discontinued. Can you say square one?. Breathe in... breathe out. If M had any appreciation at all for the classics of american cinema she wouldn't be doing the dishes that loudly when 'Zombie Strippers' is on TV.
Tuesday - Final can light installed. Friends suck. Finally chose the floor tile and then Tad came over with his big ol' fancy design degree and made us realize our ineptitude. Skuh-ware one again... Ok, screw it. We're going with the darker, richer tile. Happy, Mr. Man? Wait til you do your kitchen. I'm gonna be there every frikkin' day. "You can't do drywall like that.", "Is this how you wire a switch?". Ohh, it's gonna be good!
Wednesday - Tile purchased. Could be here as early as tomorrow which would mean tiling this weekend.
Thursday - Ok then, tile won't be here 'til wednesday. I'm in a tricky place after fixing the bathroom faucet. Does a sacred vow of marriage require a guy to disclose to his wife that, after procrastinating for two months, it only took 3 minutes to fix the leak? Or is my love life better served by spreading a ton of tools around the sink for her to see when she comes home?
Friday - Perfect. Antonio called to say 'Hi'. Then he said that the tile he insisted would be here on Wednesday would actually take "weeks" to get here. Breathe in... Breathe out... And then go choke the breath out of Antonio.
... to be continued...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Episode 13 - That's Yoshinoya
Saturday - All righty then. Got coffee. Got milk. Crap. Don't got filters. Hmm. Sure seems like I could use this dust mask here but, could I get away with that?' Ooh. She's up. I guess we'll buy coffee. Walls primered, paint selected, cabs stored at work. Next time someone wants Yoshinoya, I recommend going after sanding drywall mud on the ceiling, not brushing your tumbleweed hair, and asking for the Beef Bowl as though you are completely sane. Now that's entertainment.
Sunday - Walls painted. M questioning the color. Sheila can't be that smart so we will consider her reaction a coincidence when we told her at the dog park to "Go get the white dog!"
Monday - Semi-gloss is good for wiping down walls but it's not very forgiving on your imperfections, is it? Thank you HGTV for featuring a couple that has lived in a half-finished house for thirteen years! Hear that baby? THIRTEEN YEARS!
Tuesday - Ceiling paint finished. Not overjoyed with my mud job but give me a couple days and I'll think of a way to make it M's fault. I learned four things today. 1) The ladder is a bad place to reminisce about skydiving. 2) One should remember if a ladder has steps on only one side. 3) The floor will leave a nasty mark and make a person use bad words. 4) It is possible, in a split second and while the floor is accelerating toward you, to realize that this tiny bit in the bottom of the can is the last of the ceiling paint, and to set the can down gently, without spilling, at the same time one is crashing headfirst into the floor. Damn... I'm good. Tomorrow I start on the floor.
Wednesday - Picked up tile backer. That's it. I'm tired. And my bruise hurts from yesterday's stuntman demonstration. Does licking your wine glass for residue make you an alcoholic? Or just annoying to your wife?
Thursday - Tile backer finished which opens the door for tiling this weekend if we can find some we like. What is so annoying is that one single stupid retarded nose hair that is just long enough to tickle the edge of your nose all frikkin day long but not long enough for your fingers to isolate and pluck it, no matter how many times you try.
Friday - Gotta let the mortar set for 24 hours. Yahoo! Night off. Tile on Saturday mandatory because I jes gots me some two passes for Sunday to the Holy Grail of White Trash otherwise known as the Long Beach Grand Prix. You know what that means? RV's and drunks. My kind of people. Ok, I doesn't gots a RV, but I gots a backyard fulla construction material and that's gotta count for somethin.
... to be continued...
Sunday - Walls painted. M questioning the color. Sheila can't be that smart so we will consider her reaction a coincidence when we told her at the dog park to "Go get the white dog!"
Monday - Semi-gloss is good for wiping down walls but it's not very forgiving on your imperfections, is it? Thank you HGTV for featuring a couple that has lived in a half-finished house for thirteen years! Hear that baby? THIRTEEN YEARS!
Tuesday - Ceiling paint finished. Not overjoyed with my mud job but give me a couple days and I'll think of a way to make it M's fault. I learned four things today. 1) The ladder is a bad place to reminisce about skydiving. 2) One should remember if a ladder has steps on only one side. 3) The floor will leave a nasty mark and make a person use bad words. 4) It is possible, in a split second and while the floor is accelerating toward you, to realize that this tiny bit in the bottom of the can is the last of the ceiling paint, and to set the can down gently, without spilling, at the same time one is crashing headfirst into the floor. Damn... I'm good. Tomorrow I start on the floor.
Wednesday - Picked up tile backer. That's it. I'm tired. And my bruise hurts from yesterday's stuntman demonstration. Does licking your wine glass for residue make you an alcoholic? Or just annoying to your wife?
Thursday - Tile backer finished which opens the door for tiling this weekend if we can find some we like. What is so annoying is that one single stupid retarded nose hair that is just long enough to tickle the edge of your nose all frikkin day long but not long enough for your fingers to isolate and pluck it, no matter how many times you try.
Friday - Gotta let the mortar set for 24 hours. Yahoo! Night off. Tile on Saturday mandatory because I jes gots me some two passes for Sunday to the Holy Grail of White Trash otherwise known as the Long Beach Grand Prix. You know what that means? RV's and drunks. My kind of people. Ok, I doesn't gots a RV, but I gots a backyard fulla construction material and that's gotta count for somethin.
... to be continued...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Episode 12 - Hope Flops
Saturday - Milk flushed. Black coffee once again. When focused on one goal, I am prone to neglect everything else, as indicated by the length of both my hair and the lawn. M wants to rent Marley and Me tonight. Great. That means I'll be spending the latter part of the evening with a lump in my throat and pretending I got something in my eye. First coat of mud finished.
Sunday - If there's a book on applying mud, I'd like to read the part that explains how to do it without getting the stuff all over the dog. Second coat done. We may have decided to do a glass tile backsplash. Details at eleven. Milk is a good flick.
Monday - Juan finished the drains. Except for the missing part on the bathtub overflow. It's always something. Night off for the ncaa championship.
Tuesday - Finishing the mud and a skim coat will take a few evening's. Cabinet lady is asking when we can pick up the already-paid-for cabs. Something tells me we can't much longer use their business as our personal warehouse. Might have to borrow a truck and store the cabs at work. Hope is good, right? Am I a bad person for hoping the blind guy on American Idol walks off the front of the stage?
Wednesday - Plumbing complete; thank you Juan. Mud looking good. I say we take an old ship we're going to scuttle anyways, we sail it by remote control, and then blow the sunvub itch up when it's hijacked by pirates. I bet we could make some sweet coin if we sold the whole thing on Pay-Per-View. The best part of Lie To Me is when they show real clips of real people lying. Dig that!
Thursday - Started sanding. Still more mud needed in places. I know of no activity quite as pleasant as sanding drywall mud on the ceiling. Between work and remodel, feels like something in my arms is going to snap. Of course, something in my head snapped a long time ago. Going to bed early.
Friday - Touch up mud. Paint this weekend? Picking up cabs tomorrow and storing them at work. Business is slow, which is bad, but having empty shelves to store your personal items?... rather convenient.
... to be continued...
Sunday - If there's a book on applying mud, I'd like to read the part that explains how to do it without getting the stuff all over the dog. Second coat done. We may have decided to do a glass tile backsplash. Details at eleven. Milk is a good flick.
Monday - Juan finished the drains. Except for the missing part on the bathtub overflow. It's always something. Night off for the ncaa championship.
Tuesday - Finishing the mud and a skim coat will take a few evening's. Cabinet lady is asking when we can pick up the already-paid-for cabs. Something tells me we can't much longer use their business as our personal warehouse. Might have to borrow a truck and store the cabs at work. Hope is good, right? Am I a bad person for hoping the blind guy on American Idol walks off the front of the stage?
Wednesday - Plumbing complete; thank you Juan. Mud looking good. I say we take an old ship we're going to scuttle anyways, we sail it by remote control, and then blow the sunvub itch up when it's hijacked by pirates. I bet we could make some sweet coin if we sold the whole thing on Pay-Per-View. The best part of Lie To Me is when they show real clips of real people lying. Dig that!
Thursday - Started sanding. Still more mud needed in places. I know of no activity quite as pleasant as sanding drywall mud on the ceiling. Between work and remodel, feels like something in my arms is going to snap. Of course, something in my head snapped a long time ago. Going to bed early.
Friday - Touch up mud. Paint this weekend? Picking up cabs tomorrow and storing them at work. Business is slow, which is bad, but having empty shelves to store your personal items?... rather convenient.
... to be continued...
Friday, April 3, 2009
Episode 11 - The Truth About Wives And Dogs
Saturday - Hot today, first shorts of the year. Good progress on drywall. Juan started on the drains and will return in a couple days to finish. Apparently before sheetrock was invented, they didn't care whether or not framing was straight. Plaster seems to do a good job of covering up the fact that you hired idiots to build your house. Sheila learned how to go get a dust mask. I think tomorrow I'll teach her how to measure and cut drywall.
Sunday - Wearing a toolbelt feels too much like work. It adds weight, pinches your waist, and slowly wears you down until you feel even more tired than you already are. It sucks. So I had a great idea and made M wear it instead. She handed me my tools as I needed them and together we finished the drywall. Another productive weekend. All I want is an entire weekend that isn't productive at all.
Monday - No Juan. Holy momma, the costumes on Dancing With The Stars. Does anyone watch that show for the dancing? Hoyba.
Tuesday - No Juan. Six little pieces short of finishing the corner bead. April Fool's tomorrow... Let's see now...
Wednesday - No Juan. Corner bead finished. Here in California there is an ongoing battle over the definition of 'marriage'. After nine years of research, I think the term 'marriage' should be defined as that line which, once crossed, men become no longer funny. Recently I added the following items to the ever-growing list of 'Things That Are Not Funny': 1) Standing in the closet when your wife thinks you are in bed. That is not funny. 2) Hovering over your wife as she lays in bed after watching Ju-on. That is not funny. 3) Locking your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and letting them out after an hour to see which one of them is happy to see you (thereby indicating which one loves you more.) Turns out, that's just an internet joke not to be taken seriously and, in reality, is not funny in any way, shape, or form.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Thursday - No Juan. Started mudding. Tad came over and forced me to admit that I'm actually a hack. Finished a good portion of the first coat.
Friday - No Juan. More mudding. No meeting Phil for beers. All mud, no Bud.
... to be continued...
Sunday - Wearing a toolbelt feels too much like work. It adds weight, pinches your waist, and slowly wears you down until you feel even more tired than you already are. It sucks. So I had a great idea and made M wear it instead. She handed me my tools as I needed them and together we finished the drywall. Another productive weekend. All I want is an entire weekend that isn't productive at all.
Monday - No Juan. Holy momma, the costumes on Dancing With The Stars. Does anyone watch that show for the dancing? Hoyba.
Tuesday - No Juan. Six little pieces short of finishing the corner bead. April Fool's tomorrow... Let's see now...
Wednesday - No Juan. Corner bead finished. Here in California there is an ongoing battle over the definition of 'marriage'. After nine years of research, I think the term 'marriage' should be defined as that line which, once crossed, men become no longer funny. Recently I added the following items to the ever-growing list of 'Things That Are Not Funny': 1) Standing in the closet when your wife thinks you are in bed. That is not funny. 2) Hovering over your wife as she lays in bed after watching Ju-on. That is not funny. 3) Locking your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and letting them out after an hour to see which one of them is happy to see you (thereby indicating which one loves you more.) Turns out, that's just an internet joke not to be taken seriously and, in reality, is not funny in any way, shape, or form.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Thursday - No Juan. Started mudding. Tad came over and forced me to admit that I'm actually a hack. Finished a good portion of the first coat.
Friday - No Juan. More mudding. No meeting Phil for beers. All mud, no Bud.
... to be continued...
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Episode 10 - The Twenty Seven Year Itch
Saturday - Juan should be here any minute to help me rip out the old iron drain pipes and install shiny new plastic ones. Also going to move the cleanout that pokes through the backyard and is guilty of dulling my lawnmower blade on more than one occasion.
M drove up and paid for the cabs. Juan called up sick; no plumbing 'til Monday. Wired sconce at back door and dining light switch. Rough electric is now finished. High five! Got most of the insulation up with M's help. I am reminded of a time when I was building a hotel in Palm Springs. This company had hired a bunch of illegals to work cheap. Turned out some of them were sleeping on the property. We were working in the attic one day and found a place where, yes, one of them had relieved himself. The bummer for us was having to work in disgusting conditions. The bummer for the culprit was, according to the evidence left at the scene, he didn't know the difference between toilet paper and fiberglass insulation. That was over twenty years ago. Wouldn't surprise me if he walked bowlegged to this day.
To John and Noriko's for dinner. Always a good time.
Sunday - Is there anything more frustrating than a slooow internet? Shopped for a dining light, found nothing. Why so hard to find a light? Then to Upright Citizen's Brigade to see Tad and team do improv. Great show. High Five Tad. Plumbing should be roughed in tomorrow. Cross fingers.
Monday - Again no Juan; got called in to work. Breathe iiiiiiin. Breathe out. Tomorrow for sure. Headache. Not good. Maybe wine will help.
Tuesday - Wrong turn down Frustration Road. Need to get back to the Get It Done Expressway. Could use a Garmin about now. So I could smash it and feel better.
Wednesday - How quickly things change. Stucco finished. Plumbing stubouts finished. Wall insulation finished. Houston, we are ready for drywall.
Thursday - Began patching the ceiling and drywalling the soffits. Ceiling most likely will not be perfect but will do the best I can. Juan should be here tomorrow to finish the plumbing. M invented a new dish: Sushi Casserole. O.k, so it's not new, but it might be the first time someone called it Sushi Casserole.
Friday - No Juan. Had to work again. Says he'll be here tomorrow. How's it even possible that I could be not the most important thing in a person's life? Any person. Astounding, really. Gonna begin more drywall now, but if Phil calls to meet for beers, I could be persuaded.
Barely got started on drywall when Phil called, making beer not an option. Hey it's Friday. Will attack drywall tomorrow. Now to Souplantation where the question remains: Just how much salad can one person eat?
... to be continued...
M drove up and paid for the cabs. Juan called up sick; no plumbing 'til Monday. Wired sconce at back door and dining light switch. Rough electric is now finished. High five! Got most of the insulation up with M's help. I am reminded of a time when I was building a hotel in Palm Springs. This company had hired a bunch of illegals to work cheap. Turned out some of them were sleeping on the property. We were working in the attic one day and found a place where, yes, one of them had relieved himself. The bummer for us was having to work in disgusting conditions. The bummer for the culprit was, according to the evidence left at the scene, he didn't know the difference between toilet paper and fiberglass insulation. That was over twenty years ago. Wouldn't surprise me if he walked bowlegged to this day.
To John and Noriko's for dinner. Always a good time.
Sunday - Is there anything more frustrating than a slooow internet? Shopped for a dining light, found nothing. Why so hard to find a light? Then to Upright Citizen's Brigade to see Tad and team do improv. Great show. High Five Tad. Plumbing should be roughed in tomorrow. Cross fingers.
Monday - Again no Juan; got called in to work. Breathe iiiiiiin. Breathe out. Tomorrow for sure. Headache. Not good. Maybe wine will help.
Tuesday - Wrong turn down Frustration Road. Need to get back to the Get It Done Expressway. Could use a Garmin about now. So I could smash it and feel better.
Wednesday - How quickly things change. Stucco finished. Plumbing stubouts finished. Wall insulation finished. Houston, we are ready for drywall.
Thursday - Began patching the ceiling and drywalling the soffits. Ceiling most likely will not be perfect but will do the best I can. Juan should be here tomorrow to finish the plumbing. M invented a new dish: Sushi Casserole. O.k, so it's not new, but it might be the first time someone called it Sushi Casserole.
Friday - No Juan. Had to work again. Says he'll be here tomorrow. How's it even possible that I could be not the most important thing in a person's life? Any person. Astounding, really. Gonna begin more drywall now, but if Phil calls to meet for beers, I could be persuaded.
Barely got started on drywall when Phil called, making beer not an option. Hey it's Friday. Will attack drywall tomorrow. Now to Souplantation where the question remains: Just how much salad can one person eat?
... to be continued...
Friday, March 20, 2009
Episode 9 - The Good, The Bad, And Jay Leno
Editor's note - It was in Episode 5 of this very log in which I raised the question, 'Could we fix the economy if we legalized pot?' Tonight, the following headline appeared on Yahoo: 'Can Marijuana Help Rescue California's Economy?' Apparently lawmakers are considering just exactly that. Ha! I suddenly feel strangely powerful! Let's try this now: Could we fix the economy if we give Ken and Michiyo a billion dollars? (It's worth a shot.)
Saturday - Completed all three soffits. Arms constantly tired. M says I should get a massage tonight, but I say a bottle of good tequila costs the same, puts you to sleep just as well, and is good for 15 to 20 uses.
Sunday - Into the attic again to install the A/C vent and range hood duct. Am I pissed at having to squeeze through a 14" soffit again and again or am I glad that, at 48, I still can?
Monday - Range hood wired; pendant light wired. Plumbing should be completed this weekend. Getting so close to drywall I can taste it!
Tuesday - I want to go to church this Sunday. I do. I want to go and I want to sit right in the middle of the room and halfway through the sermon I want to stand up, look around, and I want to ask everybody there a question. I want to ask why, with his own son a carpenter, why on stinking earth would the Almighty design the world in such a way so that when a guy is looking for a Phillips screwdriver there isn't a Phillips anywhere to be found. Oh sure, there's like fifty regular screwdrivers I don't need a regular screwdriver, I need a PHILLIPS! But the real kicker comes later, when the same frikking guy in the same frikking house needs a frikking regular screwdriver, -poof-... like frikking magic, 'Oh there's all the Phillips screwdrivers, right where I looked before, but where are the regular screwdrivers?' Nowhere to be frikking found! I need an answer. Or maybe I just need a prozac.
Wednesday - No kitchen tonight, but I did get to see Jay Leno's car collection today in a hangar at the Burbank Airport. Our company is doing his floors and I was able to walk through. It's an unbelievable collection, even better than the Peterson Car Museum here in L.A., and I only got to see one of the six buildings he owns that are full of cars. They wouldn't allow me to take any pics so, unfortunately I can't provide any proof I was there. Y'all will have to trust me (a tall order, I know!)
Saturday - Completed all three soffits. Arms constantly tired. M says I should get a massage tonight, but I say a bottle of good tequila costs the same, puts you to sleep just as well, and is good for 15 to 20 uses.
Sunday - Into the attic again to install the A/C vent and range hood duct. Am I pissed at having to squeeze through a 14" soffit again and again or am I glad that, at 48, I still can?
Monday - Range hood wired; pendant light wired. Plumbing should be completed this weekend. Getting so close to drywall I can taste it!
Tuesday - I want to go to church this Sunday. I do. I want to go and I want to sit right in the middle of the room and halfway through the sermon I want to stand up, look around, and I want to ask everybody there a question. I want to ask why, with his own son a carpenter, why on stinking earth would the Almighty design the world in such a way so that when a guy is looking for a Phillips screwdriver there isn't a Phillips anywhere to be found. Oh sure, there's like fifty regular screwdrivers I don't need a regular screwdriver, I need a PHILLIPS! But the real kicker comes later, when the same frikking guy in the same frikking house needs a frikking regular screwdriver, -poof-... like frikking magic, 'Oh there's all the Phillips screwdrivers, right where I looked before, but where are the regular screwdrivers?' Nowhere to be frikking found! I need an answer. Or maybe I just need a prozac.
Wednesday - No kitchen tonight, but I did get to see Jay Leno's car collection today in a hangar at the Burbank Airport. Our company is doing his floors and I was able to walk through. It's an unbelievable collection, even better than the Peterson Car Museum here in L.A., and I only got to see one of the six buildings he owns that are full of cars. They wouldn't allow me to take any pics so, unfortunately I can't provide any proof I was there. Y'all will have to trust me (a tall order, I know!)
Friday, March 13, 2009
Episode 8 - The Curious Case Of Juan And The Gas Line
Saturday - Saw Slumdog Millionaire last night. Excellent flick. Thank you Phil, for noting that, if we ever find ourselves locked in a toilet in a slum in Mumbai (because it could happen), that we now know how to get ourselves out. Who said movies have no educational value?
Finally remembered to bring the laser level home from work. One side of the kitchen is 7/8" higher than the other! Gotta adjust the heights of my electrical boxes.
Put up stucco paper. The window is now completely installed. Also figured out the scenario which initiated Juan's fib yesterday. Here's the scene: Entering the living room, I smelled gas; discovered the pilot in the floor heater was out. This could only happen if the gas had been turned off, which would extinguish the flame, and then turned back on, restarting the gas without the flame. Juan's nephew had dug a trench to the garage for the wiring. Along the way, he had to cross the old gas line that used to feed the dryer. I cut that line over a year ago due to a leak and we've been running the dryer off propane ever since. I failed to mention this fact to Juan beforehand. His nephew then broke the gas line and they decided, 'Better not tell Ken about this!'. They then turned off the gas, repaired it improperly (hence the lie), then turned the gas back on and didn't think to light the pilots! "Hey, Juan, did you turn off the gas?" "No" "Because the heater pilot is off and I smell gas in the living room." "No. We didn't touch the gas." Yeah right. I then told him the gas line was defunct, which, although he showed no reaction, must have been a huge relief! I know that feeling, when you've already lied, and then you find you're completely in the clear. You can't show your relief without also exposing your lie! It's a silver lining eclipsed by a cloud. Anyways, I felt bad for not clueing him in ahead of time so on Monday I won't mention to him that I noticed the valve on the gas meter had changed position, nor that the pilot on the water heater also was off! No harm, no foul, but, as a bad fibber, Juan better keep his day job because his career in politics is questionable.
Cheap wine and 'House Bunny' in my underwear. It's kind of fun being white trash. Maybe I'll tattoo my head.
Sunday - Sore! Off to see 'The Wrestler'.
Monday - Sheila has completely accepted our living conditions. I resent that my dog thinks we're white trash and is ok with it.
Wednesday - Re-started the soffits. Used Grandpa Archie's chalk line which was given to me by Uncle Orville.
Thursday - First soffit just one tiny piece from being finished but it's too late and the neighbors are too close to use power tools. I'll get it tomorrow (if I don't meet Phil for beers.)
Friday - Didn't meet Phil; didn't finish soffit. This is taking too long. Gonna hire people to get things moving.
... to be continued...
Finally remembered to bring the laser level home from work. One side of the kitchen is 7/8" higher than the other! Gotta adjust the heights of my electrical boxes.
Put up stucco paper. The window is now completely installed. Also figured out the scenario which initiated Juan's fib yesterday. Here's the scene: Entering the living room, I smelled gas; discovered the pilot in the floor heater was out. This could only happen if the gas had been turned off, which would extinguish the flame, and then turned back on, restarting the gas without the flame. Juan's nephew had dug a trench to the garage for the wiring. Along the way, he had to cross the old gas line that used to feed the dryer. I cut that line over a year ago due to a leak and we've been running the dryer off propane ever since. I failed to mention this fact to Juan beforehand. His nephew then broke the gas line and they decided, 'Better not tell Ken about this!'. They then turned off the gas, repaired it improperly (hence the lie), then turned the gas back on and didn't think to light the pilots! "Hey, Juan, did you turn off the gas?" "No" "Because the heater pilot is off and I smell gas in the living room." "No. We didn't touch the gas." Yeah right. I then told him the gas line was defunct, which, although he showed no reaction, must have been a huge relief! I know that feeling, when you've already lied, and then you find you're completely in the clear. You can't show your relief without also exposing your lie! It's a silver lining eclipsed by a cloud. Anyways, I felt bad for not clueing him in ahead of time so on Monday I won't mention to him that I noticed the valve on the gas meter had changed position, nor that the pilot on the water heater also was off! No harm, no foul, but, as a bad fibber, Juan better keep his day job because his career in politics is questionable.
Cheap wine and 'House Bunny' in my underwear. It's kind of fun being white trash. Maybe I'll tattoo my head.
Sunday - Sore! Off to see 'The Wrestler'.
Monday - Sheila has completely accepted our living conditions. I resent that my dog thinks we're white trash and is ok with it.
Wednesday - Re-started the soffits. Used Grandpa Archie's chalk line which was given to me by Uncle Orville.
Thursday - First soffit just one tiny piece from being finished but it's too late and the neighbors are too close to use power tools. I'll get it tomorrow (if I don't meet Phil for beers.)
Friday - Didn't meet Phil; didn't finish soffit. This is taking too long. Gonna hire people to get things moving.
... to be continued...
Friday, March 6, 2009
Episode 7 - Slumdogs Not Millionaires
Saturday AM - After pouring coffee and adding milk, it dawned on me that we haven't had any cereal in the house for some time. I know this because each morning for about the last six weeks or so, aside from the occasional doughnut when I have time to stop, I've been going to work without any breakfast. Donning my 'Sherlock Holmes' and considering for a moment that, cereal being the principle reason for milk being in the fridge, and the fact, my dear Watson, that I haven't had any cereal for about a month and a half, I decided, while stirring my coffee with my left hand, to bring the milk carton to my nose with my right for the purpose of subjecting it's contents to scientific scrutiny. The english language, for all it's color and dexterity, hasn't quite developed an adequate word to describe the violence that ones body must endure as a result of such an experiment. If, by chance, I ever find myself at some point to be commissioned by Webster's, or whomever, to coin such a word I think I might offer, 'hlaalk'; a verb, 'to hlaalk', pronounced 'hlaalk'; variation - hlaaaaaaaalk; the violent reaction that the human body must endure upon inhaling the putrid outgassing of six-week old milk. example: Ken, like an idiot, inhaled the putrid outgassing of six-week old milk and spent the next few moments 'hlaalking'. It is redundant to add phrases like, 'and wringing his face like a wet rag', or, 'and sweating through his eyeballs', since that would be inferred by the term 'hlaalking'.
Ok. Milk flushed. Done hlaalking. Let's go take a look at that window.
---
Progress! Window 90% installed. Gotta schedule the stucco guy. Could do it myself, but I've never done it before. How hard can it be?
Sunday - What is the freakin' point of nose hairs? M is at Target exchanging a digital camera for cereal. Hopefully she'll remember we need milk. I'll get started on the 3-way switch which will finally allow us to turn on the lights when we enter at the back door, a feature that, apparently in the '40's. was regarded as an unnecessary luxury.
3-way switch finished. Off to Little Tokyo again with Phil. Love that spicy ramen. Upon our return, I will enter at the back door, turn on the lights, and feel superior to people who lived in the '40's.
---
Wow! 99 cent beers in Little Tokyo! I feel superior to everybody! Now that's how you do Happy Hour! For some reason M insisted on driving home. Women.
Monday - More rain. Tarped over the hole in the wall formerly occupied by the larger window. Gotta get that stucco finished. Started the soffit.
Tuesday - Juan from work came by. He's going to install a sub-panel in the garage on Thursday. Gonna have 220 for my table saw! And, as a bonus, we'll be able to get rid of the extension cord plugged into the kitchen that has powered our garage for the last four years.
Wednesday - Minor stuff.
Thursday - No Juan. Only rain.
Friday - Juan and his nephew installed the box in the garage. All I have to do is wire some plugs for the laundry and some tools, including the jealosy-inspiring 220 for the table saw. Shwing! Power to the garage is now underground. One doesn't completely realize just how unsightly those overhead wires are until they are removed. Double Shwing!
Homemade sushi... on paper plates... at the dining table in the living room!
... to be continued...
Ok. Milk flushed. Done hlaalking. Let's go take a look at that window.
---
Progress! Window 90% installed. Gotta schedule the stucco guy. Could do it myself, but I've never done it before. How hard can it be?
Sunday - What is the freakin' point of nose hairs? M is at Target exchanging a digital camera for cereal. Hopefully she'll remember we need milk. I'll get started on the 3-way switch which will finally allow us to turn on the lights when we enter at the back door, a feature that, apparently in the '40's. was regarded as an unnecessary luxury.
3-way switch finished. Off to Little Tokyo again with Phil. Love that spicy ramen. Upon our return, I will enter at the back door, turn on the lights, and feel superior to people who lived in the '40's.
---
Wow! 99 cent beers in Little Tokyo! I feel superior to everybody! Now that's how you do Happy Hour! For some reason M insisted on driving home. Women.
Monday - More rain. Tarped over the hole in the wall formerly occupied by the larger window. Gotta get that stucco finished. Started the soffit.
Tuesday - Juan from work came by. He's going to install a sub-panel in the garage on Thursday. Gonna have 220 for my table saw! And, as a bonus, we'll be able to get rid of the extension cord plugged into the kitchen that has powered our garage for the last four years.
Wednesday - Minor stuff.
Thursday - No Juan. Only rain.
Friday - Juan and his nephew installed the box in the garage. All I have to do is wire some plugs for the laundry and some tools, including the jealosy-inspiring 220 for the table saw. Shwing! Power to the garage is now underground. One doesn't completely realize just how unsightly those overhead wires are until they are removed. Double Shwing!
Homemade sushi... on paper plates... at the dining table in the living room!
... to be continued...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Episode 6 - Return Of The Soffit
Saturday - Up. Coffee. Internet. Ok... Gotta get that soffit built today but how much noise can I make while M is still sleeping? Let's find out, shall we?! Exciting!
Decided against building soffit. We'll leave a space over the cabs. Got some wiring done. Sheila discovered 'under the house' when she followed me into the crawl space. I think she likes it down there! To Tad and Akemi's for sushi. Sorry guys for falling asleep on your couch.
Sunday - Up. Coffee, same as yesterday's. News, same as yesterday's which sucks because now there's no reason to put off kitchen work. I see that Sheila went under the house again during the night as evidenced by the cobwebs stuck to her face. Good girl! Decided to build soffit after all. Finished wiring the second wall just in time to flip the breaker back on and catch the Oscars. People magazine must be smoking crack because cleeeeearly I, not Hugh Jackman, am the sexiest man alive. I mean, really... Hugh Jackman? Pfffff... Can he even wire an outlet? Frozen chimichangas again... Really miss M's cooking. Discovered while watching the Oscars that making 'kissing' sounds at the sight of Angelina Jolie is an activity that is underappreciated by members of the female gender who are married to you. And it matters not that one is the sexiest man alive while doing so. The more you know...! New window should arrive tomorrow.
Monday - Decision: No soffit and taller upper cabs. Let's ask how much the taller uppers cost.
Hugh Jackman?... Can he install cabinets?
Tuesday - Woke up at 3AM then... Insomnia. Ok, forced myself to stay awake after work long enough to wire a new outlet in the living room. No window yet, hopefully tomorrow. Ten bucks Hugh Junderwear can't wire an outlet.
Wednesday - Finished the Liv. rm. plug. First finished item, yay. The girl at Lowe's so digs me. I'm used to it. Goes with the whole 'sexiest man' thang. M wants to see a judge on American Idol say, "You're a great singer, your problem is that you're ugly." Window came in, so I'll be installing that this weekend. Let's see Hugh Jeego install a window.
Thursday - Worked late. Not feeling sexy so... night off. Hey, it happens. The taller upper cabs are an extra grand. Indecision... it's such a wonderful time waster!
Friday - Decided over sushi to go with small soffit and 36" uppers. Money saved will pay for the windows and then some. Maybe I can squeeze a shiatsu out of it. Ahh, can't wait, I want it now! M won the lottery when she married the sexiest man alive so she's not so bummed that she wasted five bucks today on that other lottery run by the state.
Eat your heart out, Hugh Jorifice.
... to be continued...
Decided against building soffit. We'll leave a space over the cabs. Got some wiring done. Sheila discovered 'under the house' when she followed me into the crawl space. I think she likes it down there! To Tad and Akemi's for sushi. Sorry guys for falling asleep on your couch.
Sunday - Up. Coffee, same as yesterday's. News, same as yesterday's which sucks because now there's no reason to put off kitchen work. I see that Sheila went under the house again during the night as evidenced by the cobwebs stuck to her face. Good girl! Decided to build soffit after all. Finished wiring the second wall just in time to flip the breaker back on and catch the Oscars. People magazine must be smoking crack because cleeeeearly I, not Hugh Jackman, am the sexiest man alive. I mean, really... Hugh Jackman? Pfffff... Can he even wire an outlet? Frozen chimichangas again... Really miss M's cooking. Discovered while watching the Oscars that making 'kissing' sounds at the sight of Angelina Jolie is an activity that is underappreciated by members of the female gender who are married to you. And it matters not that one is the sexiest man alive while doing so. The more you know...! New window should arrive tomorrow.
Monday - Decision: No soffit and taller upper cabs. Let's ask how much the taller uppers cost.
Hugh Jackman?... Can he install cabinets?
Tuesday - Woke up at 3AM then... Insomnia. Ok, forced myself to stay awake after work long enough to wire a new outlet in the living room. No window yet, hopefully tomorrow. Ten bucks Hugh Junderwear can't wire an outlet.
Wednesday - Finished the Liv. rm. plug. First finished item, yay. The girl at Lowe's so digs me. I'm used to it. Goes with the whole 'sexiest man' thang. M wants to see a judge on American Idol say, "You're a great singer, your problem is that you're ugly." Window came in, so I'll be installing that this weekend. Let's see Hugh Jeego install a window.
Thursday - Worked late. Not feeling sexy so... night off. Hey, it happens. The taller upper cabs are an extra grand. Indecision... it's such a wonderful time waster!
Friday - Decided over sushi to go with small soffit and 36" uppers. Money saved will pay for the windows and then some. Maybe I can squeeze a shiatsu out of it. Ahh, can't wait, I want it now! M won the lottery when she married the sexiest man alive so she's not so bummed that she wasted five bucks today on that other lottery run by the state.
Eat your heart out, Hugh Jorifice.
... to be continued...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Episode 5 - The Insulation Strikes Back
Saturday - Got the electrical to the three lights ripped out. Squeezing through the 12" hole in the ceiling left behind by the soffit that used to be there is... uh... cozy. I am impressed at the sense of revenge in our inanimate world. How else can it be explained when that little chunk of blown insulation, angry at being dislodged after so many years in it's resting place, breaks free from it's perch and falls just exactly at the right time, drifts precisely into the exact location in order to enter the opening that is momentarily created at the neck of my tee-shirt as I step off the ladder's lowest rung? Not to be outdone, the insulation's inanimate friend, the plaster chunk, apparently inspired by his buddy's jihad against me, cliff dives at juuuust the right moment into juuuust the right place to meet up with his friend in time to enter the dark pit of the tee-shirt neck holding hands. Bingo! A beautifully coordinated two-pronged attack against the infidel invader. Allah akbar! So You Think You Can Dance? Me thinks me can. Since my tee-shirt was tucked in, I think I invented a new move trying to keep the two little terrorists out of my pants. They finally fell on the floor and I crushed 'em both with my shoe. Allah akbar yourself, m--er f--ers!
No loot yet. Just an old pan seemingly placed there to catch an old roof leak.
Tomorrow more attic adventures to be sure...
Sunday - Slept in. Late breakfast. Now, the barometer of doom warns of an approaching high pressure system, the bellweather of gloom is indicating 'foul', and there is an ominous foreboding that, come noon-ish, M is going to be sorry she fed me that leftover burrito! Oh, good woman, what rot hast thou wrought?
Purchased a bunch of electrical stuff and laid out the recessed lighting. Got one can light installed and wired. First mistake: got the light too far away from the wall, countertop will be in shadow, oops! I'll move it tomorrow and reconfigure the layout. Gonna be patching holes in ceiling. Oh well! Off to Little Tokyo again for spicy ramen. Man that stuff is good!
And yes, M paid... oh, so dearly for that burrito... sweet lord in heaven, won't somebody please, open a window!
Monday - Wasn't feeling well so skipped out of work a tad early. Guess I just needed more sleep. No work tonight. Slept through 4 episodes of Family Guy. Not a bad show to sleep through. M asked me to cut my nose hairs so I wouldn't breathe so loud and then she could sleep at night, too, which, naturally, causes me to ponder, 'Could we fix the economy if we legalized pot?' Might at least save the snack food industry.. Makes one thnk!
Tuesday - Can light moved to better location, another installed. Received completely useless dimensions on the crown moulding from the cabinet seller. What's wrong with people? Maybe pot is already legal in their world... and over-used.
Wednesday - Two more can lights installed. And then dinner: salmon, french bread with olive oil and balsamic, salad and clam chowder. Thumbs up to the table-top butane burner inventor. Who the heck needs a kitchen anyways? Honey, how's about a man-cave instead? (... if looks could incinerate...)
Thursday - Patched some holes and wired the dining light switch... then dropped the dining light off the ladder, first casualty. Now gonna do can lights in the dining room. Crap... job is growing. Finally got the dims of the crown moulding. Now I can build the soffit. To the neighbors for hamburgers. Back from neighbors... tequila shots on Thursday? what were we thinking?
Friday - nuthin' 'complished. Gonna attack the soffit tomorrow. Not laid off from work yet, but it's not looking real great! Most likely will postpone moving and stay here a little longer. That means getting the better cabinets! Ok, then...
... to be continued...
No loot yet. Just an old pan seemingly placed there to catch an old roof leak.
Tomorrow more attic adventures to be sure...
Sunday - Slept in. Late breakfast. Now, the barometer of doom warns of an approaching high pressure system, the bellweather of gloom is indicating 'foul', and there is an ominous foreboding that, come noon-ish, M is going to be sorry she fed me that leftover burrito! Oh, good woman, what rot hast thou wrought?
Purchased a bunch of electrical stuff and laid out the recessed lighting. Got one can light installed and wired. First mistake: got the light too far away from the wall, countertop will be in shadow, oops! I'll move it tomorrow and reconfigure the layout. Gonna be patching holes in ceiling. Oh well! Off to Little Tokyo again for spicy ramen. Man that stuff is good!
And yes, M paid... oh, so dearly for that burrito... sweet lord in heaven, won't somebody please, open a window!
Monday - Wasn't feeling well so skipped out of work a tad early. Guess I just needed more sleep. No work tonight. Slept through 4 episodes of Family Guy. Not a bad show to sleep through. M asked me to cut my nose hairs so I wouldn't breathe so loud and then she could sleep at night, too, which, naturally, causes me to ponder, 'Could we fix the economy if we legalized pot?' Might at least save the snack food industry.. Makes one thnk!
Tuesday - Can light moved to better location, another installed. Received completely useless dimensions on the crown moulding from the cabinet seller. What's wrong with people? Maybe pot is already legal in their world... and over-used.
Wednesday - Two more can lights installed. And then dinner: salmon, french bread with olive oil and balsamic, salad and clam chowder. Thumbs up to the table-top butane burner inventor. Who the heck needs a kitchen anyways? Honey, how's about a man-cave instead? (... if looks could incinerate...)
Thursday - Patched some holes and wired the dining light switch... then dropped the dining light off the ladder, first casualty. Now gonna do can lights in the dining room. Crap... job is growing. Finally got the dims of the crown moulding. Now I can build the soffit. To the neighbors for hamburgers. Back from neighbors... tequila shots on Thursday? what were we thinking?
Friday - nuthin' 'complished. Gonna attack the soffit tomorrow. Not laid off from work yet, but it's not looking real great! Most likely will postpone moving and stay here a little longer. That means getting the better cabinets! Ok, then...
... to be continued...
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Episode 4 - A New Entry
Saturday - Got done what we intended, that is, we opened up the entry and we went back to the cabinet place and finalized the cabs. Just a little bit displeased with 3M who claims that 'Blue Tape' won't peel the paint from your walls. Oh well, we're going to have to paint anyways. Maybe I should get some new stuff. This one's been in the garage for about three years. Hmmm.
Sunday - Got the new entry framed out and the new back window ordered. Might have changed our minds on moving the back door. Then to Little Tokyo for some spicy Ramen. I love L.A.! It's raining again. (That's two song titles in a row, rather fitting, sitting here watching the Grammy's.) Will I get that 220 ripped out tomorrow or will there be another lake under the house? Won't know until after work tomorrow.
Monday - I hate L.A.! It's freeeezing. Poured almost all weekend and today, too. Last week it was in the 80's and today it hailed. Winter in L.A!
Got the gas moved to the new location. Tad helped, thanks Tad. Check out MadTadMagic.com. Let's see if there's water under the house. Looks good. Good thing I leaned the old pocket door against the house over the access to keep out the rain. Ok, feet first under the house. Spaghetti mess of cables just inside, no problemo. Turn around and 'smack', head hit joist... Ouch... O.K., like the Superbowl commercial said, 'Men can take anything!'... Ok, Oh... Dark. Need light... Ok. Turn around, shake spaghetti mess of cables off my foot, crawl out, twist around door leaning against house. Drop work light through hole in floor. Back to access. Feet first. Spaghetti mess of cables. Get off my foot! Turn around, avoid joist, ha!... army crawl through dirt, 'smack', different joist. Son of a fu@#!! O.k... men can take anything. Army crawl, find 220 and pull it through. No! I didn't remove the wire nuts. Turn around, crawl through dirt, avoid joists, Spaghetti mess of cables, get off my FOOT. Twist out around leaning door. Go inside, remove wire nuts. Back to access, feet first, spaghetti freakin' mess of @%&&$# cables, get off my #@$#$$ @$!% # FOOT!! Turn around, 'smack' head on #$$% joist, army crawl through dirt, find 220, rip it's ass through, leave it there, deal with it later. Turn around, army crawl through dirt, almost there, spaghetti mess, Get OFF MY... breathe... men can take it, Ok, twist around leaning door. Uh oh... Was that my back? Out slowly and... Ok, done... How the heck did my hat get spun around backwards?
Tomorrow I re-nail the subfloor to the joists and prep for plywood.
Tuesday - Got the subfloor nailed and picked up OSB for underlayment. Way cheaper than plywood. Then started to question if OSB makes good underlayment. Some say don't do it... others say they do it all the time. That's the problem with the internet. Sometimes too much information only confuses you.
Wednesday - Are you nuts? 'American Idol' AND 'Lost'? Yeah, right... no work tonight! Just kidding... got some blocking in under the subfloor. Found a couple small areas of rot so tomorrow I'll replace those.
Thursday - Well, Gil said OSB is fine for underlayment so no need to return to the store. Replaced the rotted boards and got the first two pieces of underlayment down. Visible progress... that's a good thing. Michiyo has now discovered Valencia, near Magic Mountain... Wow! You can get a lot of house for your money up there. When I locate the loot in our attic we should be able to buy a couple houses up there.
Friday - All Righty then...Got the rest of the OSB down and snapped off one pic when I received a note from my camera informing me that my batteries are now deceased. Someone's going to write and tell me I should have put the drywall on first, I just know it. But a reason I gots! Off to Souplantation for dinner with Noriko. Aaah, vegetables... they taste sooo good when you haven't had any for three weeks.
Saturday A.M. - Note to self regarding next Valentine's Day - Do not wake up singing, 'I kissed a girl, I liked it...' or, if you absolutely must, try not to put a special emphasis on the 'I liked it' part... with a smile on your face... 16 times... not on Valentine's Day. Heated up yesterday's coffee and a little milk. Getting kind of used to the sheet of plastic hanging from the ceiling. It's kind of like the secret passage I always wanted when I was a kid. Shoot, forgot to stir the coffee... I wonder if I can use this old teabag sitting here. It works!
It's supposed to rain all weekend but it's nice and sunny right now. Today I begin on the electrical and hopefully I'll get the information on the crown moulding from the cabinet seller so I can build the soffit.
... to be continued...
Sunday - Got the new entry framed out and the new back window ordered. Might have changed our minds on moving the back door. Then to Little Tokyo for some spicy Ramen. I love L.A.! It's raining again. (That's two song titles in a row, rather fitting, sitting here watching the Grammy's.) Will I get that 220 ripped out tomorrow or will there be another lake under the house? Won't know until after work tomorrow.
Monday - I hate L.A.! It's freeeezing. Poured almost all weekend and today, too. Last week it was in the 80's and today it hailed. Winter in L.A!
Got the gas moved to the new location. Tad helped, thanks Tad. Check out MadTadMagic.com. Let's see if there's water under the house. Looks good. Good thing I leaned the old pocket door against the house over the access to keep out the rain. Ok, feet first under the house. Spaghetti mess of cables just inside, no problemo. Turn around and 'smack', head hit joist... Ouch... O.K., like the Superbowl commercial said, 'Men can take anything!'... Ok, Oh... Dark. Need light... Ok. Turn around, shake spaghetti mess of cables off my foot, crawl out, twist around door leaning against house. Drop work light through hole in floor. Back to access. Feet first. Spaghetti mess of cables. Get off my foot! Turn around, avoid joist, ha!... army crawl through dirt, 'smack', different joist. Son of a fu@#!! O.k... men can take anything. Army crawl, find 220 and pull it through. No! I didn't remove the wire nuts. Turn around, crawl through dirt, avoid joists, Spaghetti mess of cables, get off my FOOT. Twist out around leaning door. Go inside, remove wire nuts. Back to access, feet first, spaghetti freakin' mess of @%&&$# cables, get off my #@$#$$ @$!% # FOOT!! Turn around, 'smack' head on #$$% joist, army crawl through dirt, find 220, rip it's ass through, leave it there, deal with it later. Turn around, army crawl through dirt, almost there, spaghetti mess, Get OFF MY... breathe... men can take it, Ok, twist around leaning door. Uh oh... Was that my back? Out slowly and... Ok, done... How the heck did my hat get spun around backwards?
Tomorrow I re-nail the subfloor to the joists and prep for plywood.
Tuesday - Got the subfloor nailed and picked up OSB for underlayment. Way cheaper than plywood. Then started to question if OSB makes good underlayment. Some say don't do it... others say they do it all the time. That's the problem with the internet. Sometimes too much information only confuses you.
Wednesday - Are you nuts? 'American Idol' AND 'Lost'? Yeah, right... no work tonight! Just kidding... got some blocking in under the subfloor. Found a couple small areas of rot so tomorrow I'll replace those.
Thursday - Well, Gil said OSB is fine for underlayment so no need to return to the store. Replaced the rotted boards and got the first two pieces of underlayment down. Visible progress... that's a good thing. Michiyo has now discovered Valencia, near Magic Mountain... Wow! You can get a lot of house for your money up there. When I locate the loot in our attic we should be able to buy a couple houses up there.
Friday - All Righty then...Got the rest of the OSB down and snapped off one pic when I received a note from my camera informing me that my batteries are now deceased. Someone's going to write and tell me I should have put the drywall on first, I just know it. But a reason I gots! Off to Souplantation for dinner with Noriko. Aaah, vegetables... they taste sooo good when you haven't had any for three weeks.
Saturday A.M. - Note to self regarding next Valentine's Day - Do not wake up singing, 'I kissed a girl, I liked it...' or, if you absolutely must, try not to put a special emphasis on the 'I liked it' part... with a smile on your face... 16 times... not on Valentine's Day. Heated up yesterday's coffee and a little milk. Getting kind of used to the sheet of plastic hanging from the ceiling. It's kind of like the secret passage I always wanted when I was a kid. Shoot, forgot to stir the coffee... I wonder if I can use this old teabag sitting here. It works!
It's supposed to rain all weekend but it's nice and sunny right now. Today I begin on the electrical and hopefully I'll get the information on the crown moulding from the cabinet seller so I can build the soffit.
... to be continued...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Episode 3 - Revenge Of The Sink
Sunday got us completely finished with the demo of the wall plaster. Think I got all the nails, but there's certain to be more. Still deciding if I want to rip out the ceiling. I'm positive that's where the loot is hidden. Sure would make doing the electrical and the insulation easier. Also got the pocket door ripped out, well at least the half on the kitchen side. First time we've even seen that door as it's been stuck inside the pocket since before we moved here! Been looking forward to taking out the sink drain, otherwise known as, 'The Slow Drain To Nowhere'... Finally got to do it today. I'll spare the details but, let me say these two things: 1) There's a really nasty reason why that kitchen drain was so slow, and 2) One should refrain from using a grinder when cutting through old iron drain pipe over one's head. That's all.
Hope I didn't overload the dumpster. Pushed it out to the street and it sure was heavy. Uh, oh.
Monday -- Too freakin' tired to do anything but heat and eat frozen lasagna. Glass of wine tonight and I'm going to sleep like a (choose a clever something; I'm too tired.)
Tuesday - They emptied the dumpster! Yahoo! Thought for sure I'd come home and find a full dumpster and an 'idiot note' from the city telling me to take some out.
Got the old flooring ripped out and all the nails pulled. Some may call it their 'knee', but I like to refer to it as my 'protruding floor nail detector' as it performs so efficiently in that function. When it detects a protruding floor nail, it emits an audible signal ('Ow, f__k') and displays red letting the operator know that another nail has been detected. God must certainly have been a remodeling enthusiast in order to have installed such a useful device into our bodies. I do believe it located every last nail.
Thursday - Ripped out the header over the entry in order to move it so we can make more room for the fridge. Decided against the little bar at the kitchen entry and opted instead to remove that whole section of wall to make the entryway bigger. Started to crawl under the house to rip out the 220 but there's a lake down under there and I got my feet wet to the ankles. Doggone winter storms. Why do we say 'doggone' anyways? My dog's still here.
Friday - Had to work late. Took the night off from remodeling. Got the camera out and started goofing off, which brings us to the question, 'Why are women so adamantly opposed to being photographed in the shower?'... (some may call it their 'face' but I like to refer to it as a 'flying camera deflector'...)
Saturday A.M. - If all goes as planned we will have the entry enlarged and the cabinets finalized this weekend.
It's cold in here!
... to be continued...
Hope I didn't overload the dumpster. Pushed it out to the street and it sure was heavy. Uh, oh.
Monday -- Too freakin' tired to do anything but heat and eat frozen lasagna. Glass of wine tonight and I'm going to sleep like a (choose a clever something; I'm too tired.)
Tuesday - They emptied the dumpster! Yahoo! Thought for sure I'd come home and find a full dumpster and an 'idiot note' from the city telling me to take some out.
Got the old flooring ripped out and all the nails pulled. Some may call it their 'knee', but I like to refer to it as my 'protruding floor nail detector' as it performs so efficiently in that function. When it detects a protruding floor nail, it emits an audible signal ('Ow, f__k') and displays red letting the operator know that another nail has been detected. God must certainly have been a remodeling enthusiast in order to have installed such a useful device into our bodies. I do believe it located every last nail.
Thursday - Ripped out the header over the entry in order to move it so we can make more room for the fridge. Decided against the little bar at the kitchen entry and opted instead to remove that whole section of wall to make the entryway bigger. Started to crawl under the house to rip out the 220 but there's a lake down under there and I got my feet wet to the ankles. Doggone winter storms. Why do we say 'doggone' anyways? My dog's still here.
Friday - Had to work late. Took the night off from remodeling. Got the camera out and started goofing off, which brings us to the question, 'Why are women so adamantly opposed to being photographed in the shower?'... (some may call it their 'face' but I like to refer to it as a 'flying camera deflector'...)
Saturday A.M. - If all goes as planned we will have the entry enlarged and the cabinets finalized this weekend.
It's cold in here!
... to be continued...
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Episode 2 - Attack Of The Michiyo
Been able to put in one to two hours of some productive destruction time after work each day. Didn't get the dumpster until Wednesday. Filled it up Wednesday night and they emptied it Thursday. Saturday (yesterday) we got some good time in. M's first experience with construction work! She did great. Gave each other hand massages last night. Ooooh!
Got all the walls ripped out and part of the two layers of flooring. The dumpster is full again and I'm not sure how soon they can come to empty it. Hopefully they can come on-call and not make us wait until trash day, which isn't until Thursday.
Discovered the house originally had a second entrance from the driveway into the kitchen. Interesting. Doorbell wires still intact. Also found the old water pipes from when the water heater was in the corner. Those'll be coming out. Hoping to find the loot that I know somebody hid here somewhere. Decided to move the back door away from the corner and make room on the adjoining wall for a shallow 'pantry'.
Sheila doesn't like it. We're tearing her world apart.
... to be continued...
Got all the walls ripped out and part of the two layers of flooring. The dumpster is full again and I'm not sure how soon they can come to empty it. Hopefully they can come on-call and not make us wait until trash day, which isn't until Thursday.
Discovered the house originally had a second entrance from the driveway into the kitchen. Interesting. Doorbell wires still intact. Also found the old water pipes from when the water heater was in the corner. Those'll be coming out. Hoping to find the loot that I know somebody hid here somewhere. Decided to move the back door away from the corner and make room on the adjoining wall for a shallow 'pantry'.
Sheila doesn't like it. We're tearing her world apart.
... to be continued...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Episode 1 - The Phantom Dumpster
After all these years of suffering through our worn out kitchen (especially my beautiful and patient wife) we've decided that we've had enough! We are remodeling our kitchen, and now with the advent of digital technology you all get to experience the remodeling process with us!
And heeeere we go:
Fridge and Dishwasher are in the dining room. Stove is in the garage. Dining table in the living room. Pile of trash on the patio! We're off and running.
Began the tearout. Got the cabs removed, the plumbing capped off, and the sink removed. Began to remove the plaster and decided it will be better to rent a dumpster so we have a place to put the plaster when it is removed! Made the discovery that Sheila (our dog) doesn't seem to prefer the loud noises that accompany the tearout process. Big baby.
Paid for dumpster this A.M. hoping it would be dropped off today... it wasn't! So, no work tonight. Hopefully I'll have a dumpster tomorrow. Really want to rip out that plaster.
... to be continued...
And heeeere we go:
Fridge and Dishwasher are in the dining room. Stove is in the garage. Dining table in the living room. Pile of trash on the patio! We're off and running.
Began the tearout. Got the cabs removed, the plumbing capped off, and the sink removed. Began to remove the plaster and decided it will be better to rent a dumpster so we have a place to put the plaster when it is removed! Made the discovery that Sheila (our dog) doesn't seem to prefer the loud noises that accompany the tearout process. Big baby.
Paid for dumpster this A.M. hoping it would be dropped off today... it wasn't! So, no work tonight. Hopefully I'll have a dumpster tomorrow. Really want to rip out that plaster.
... to be continued...
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