Saturday - Gotta get the tile today so we can pay our respects tomorrow at the altar of white trashery, The Long Beach Grand Prix. Good luck Mark and Miwako. Hope you're happy in Silicon Valley. Tile shopping was productive. Still don't have any tile but we now know not to spend $400 on it before taking a sample home and discovering that it's purple.
Sunday - No tile, so no Grand Prix. Breathe in... breathe out. Found the perfect tile at Lowe's. Then found out it's discontinued. Can you say square one?. Breathe in... breathe out. If M had any appreciation at all for the classics of american cinema she wouldn't be doing the dishes that loudly when 'Zombie Strippers' is on TV.
Tuesday - Final can light installed. Friends suck. Finally chose the floor tile and then Tad came over with his big ol' fancy design degree and made us realize our ineptitude. Skuh-ware one again... Ok, screw it. We're going with the darker, richer tile. Happy, Mr. Man? Wait til you do your kitchen. I'm gonna be there every frikkin' day. "You can't do drywall like that.", "Is this how you wire a switch?". Ohh, it's gonna be good!
Wednesday - Tile purchased. Could be here as early as tomorrow which would mean tiling this weekend.
Thursday - Ok then, tile won't be here 'til wednesday. I'm in a tricky place after fixing the bathroom faucet. Does a sacred vow of marriage require a guy to disclose to his wife that, after procrastinating for two months, it only took 3 minutes to fix the leak? Or is my love life better served by spreading a ton of tools around the sink for her to see when she comes home?
Friday - Perfect. Antonio called to say 'Hi'. Then he said that the tile he insisted would be here on Wednesday would actually take "weeks" to get here. Breathe in... Breathe out... And then go choke the breath out of Antonio.
... to be continued...
Friday, April 24, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Episode 13 - That's Yoshinoya
Saturday - All righty then. Got coffee. Got milk. Crap. Don't got filters. Hmm. Sure seems like I could use this dust mask here but, could I get away with that?' Ooh. She's up. I guess we'll buy coffee. Walls primered, paint selected, cabs stored at work. Next time someone wants Yoshinoya, I recommend going after sanding drywall mud on the ceiling, not brushing your tumbleweed hair, and asking for the Beef Bowl as though you are completely sane. Now that's entertainment.
Sunday - Walls painted. M questioning the color. Sheila can't be that smart so we will consider her reaction a coincidence when we told her at the dog park to "Go get the white dog!"
Monday - Semi-gloss is good for wiping down walls but it's not very forgiving on your imperfections, is it? Thank you HGTV for featuring a couple that has lived in a half-finished house for thirteen years! Hear that baby? THIRTEEN YEARS!
Tuesday - Ceiling paint finished. Not overjoyed with my mud job but give me a couple days and I'll think of a way to make it M's fault. I learned four things today. 1) The ladder is a bad place to reminisce about skydiving. 2) One should remember if a ladder has steps on only one side. 3) The floor will leave a nasty mark and make a person use bad words. 4) It is possible, in a split second and while the floor is accelerating toward you, to realize that this tiny bit in the bottom of the can is the last of the ceiling paint, and to set the can down gently, without spilling, at the same time one is crashing headfirst into the floor. Damn... I'm good. Tomorrow I start on the floor.
Wednesday - Picked up tile backer. That's it. I'm tired. And my bruise hurts from yesterday's stuntman demonstration. Does licking your wine glass for residue make you an alcoholic? Or just annoying to your wife?
Thursday - Tile backer finished which opens the door for tiling this weekend if we can find some we like. What is so annoying is that one single stupid retarded nose hair that is just long enough to tickle the edge of your nose all frikkin day long but not long enough for your fingers to isolate and pluck it, no matter how many times you try.
Friday - Gotta let the mortar set for 24 hours. Yahoo! Night off. Tile on Saturday mandatory because I jes gots me some two passes for Sunday to the Holy Grail of White Trash otherwise known as the Long Beach Grand Prix. You know what that means? RV's and drunks. My kind of people. Ok, I doesn't gots a RV, but I gots a backyard fulla construction material and that's gotta count for somethin.
... to be continued...
Sunday - Walls painted. M questioning the color. Sheila can't be that smart so we will consider her reaction a coincidence when we told her at the dog park to "Go get the white dog!"
Monday - Semi-gloss is good for wiping down walls but it's not very forgiving on your imperfections, is it? Thank you HGTV for featuring a couple that has lived in a half-finished house for thirteen years! Hear that baby? THIRTEEN YEARS!
Tuesday - Ceiling paint finished. Not overjoyed with my mud job but give me a couple days and I'll think of a way to make it M's fault. I learned four things today. 1) The ladder is a bad place to reminisce about skydiving. 2) One should remember if a ladder has steps on only one side. 3) The floor will leave a nasty mark and make a person use bad words. 4) It is possible, in a split second and while the floor is accelerating toward you, to realize that this tiny bit in the bottom of the can is the last of the ceiling paint, and to set the can down gently, without spilling, at the same time one is crashing headfirst into the floor. Damn... I'm good. Tomorrow I start on the floor.
Wednesday - Picked up tile backer. That's it. I'm tired. And my bruise hurts from yesterday's stuntman demonstration. Does licking your wine glass for residue make you an alcoholic? Or just annoying to your wife?
Thursday - Tile backer finished which opens the door for tiling this weekend if we can find some we like. What is so annoying is that one single stupid retarded nose hair that is just long enough to tickle the edge of your nose all frikkin day long but not long enough for your fingers to isolate and pluck it, no matter how many times you try.
Friday - Gotta let the mortar set for 24 hours. Yahoo! Night off. Tile on Saturday mandatory because I jes gots me some two passes for Sunday to the Holy Grail of White Trash otherwise known as the Long Beach Grand Prix. You know what that means? RV's and drunks. My kind of people. Ok, I doesn't gots a RV, but I gots a backyard fulla construction material and that's gotta count for somethin.
... to be continued...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Episode 12 - Hope Flops
Saturday - Milk flushed. Black coffee once again. When focused on one goal, I am prone to neglect everything else, as indicated by the length of both my hair and the lawn. M wants to rent Marley and Me tonight. Great. That means I'll be spending the latter part of the evening with a lump in my throat and pretending I got something in my eye. First coat of mud finished.
Sunday - If there's a book on applying mud, I'd like to read the part that explains how to do it without getting the stuff all over the dog. Second coat done. We may have decided to do a glass tile backsplash. Details at eleven. Milk is a good flick.
Monday - Juan finished the drains. Except for the missing part on the bathtub overflow. It's always something. Night off for the ncaa championship.
Tuesday - Finishing the mud and a skim coat will take a few evening's. Cabinet lady is asking when we can pick up the already-paid-for cabs. Something tells me we can't much longer use their business as our personal warehouse. Might have to borrow a truck and store the cabs at work. Hope is good, right? Am I a bad person for hoping the blind guy on American Idol walks off the front of the stage?
Wednesday - Plumbing complete; thank you Juan. Mud looking good. I say we take an old ship we're going to scuttle anyways, we sail it by remote control, and then blow the sunvub itch up when it's hijacked by pirates. I bet we could make some sweet coin if we sold the whole thing on Pay-Per-View. The best part of Lie To Me is when they show real clips of real people lying. Dig that!
Thursday - Started sanding. Still more mud needed in places. I know of no activity quite as pleasant as sanding drywall mud on the ceiling. Between work and remodel, feels like something in my arms is going to snap. Of course, something in my head snapped a long time ago. Going to bed early.
Friday - Touch up mud. Paint this weekend? Picking up cabs tomorrow and storing them at work. Business is slow, which is bad, but having empty shelves to store your personal items?... rather convenient.
... to be continued...
Sunday - If there's a book on applying mud, I'd like to read the part that explains how to do it without getting the stuff all over the dog. Second coat done. We may have decided to do a glass tile backsplash. Details at eleven. Milk is a good flick.
Monday - Juan finished the drains. Except for the missing part on the bathtub overflow. It's always something. Night off for the ncaa championship.
Tuesday - Finishing the mud and a skim coat will take a few evening's. Cabinet lady is asking when we can pick up the already-paid-for cabs. Something tells me we can't much longer use their business as our personal warehouse. Might have to borrow a truck and store the cabs at work. Hope is good, right? Am I a bad person for hoping the blind guy on American Idol walks off the front of the stage?
Wednesday - Plumbing complete; thank you Juan. Mud looking good. I say we take an old ship we're going to scuttle anyways, we sail it by remote control, and then blow the sunvub itch up when it's hijacked by pirates. I bet we could make some sweet coin if we sold the whole thing on Pay-Per-View. The best part of Lie To Me is when they show real clips of real people lying. Dig that!
Thursday - Started sanding. Still more mud needed in places. I know of no activity quite as pleasant as sanding drywall mud on the ceiling. Between work and remodel, feels like something in my arms is going to snap. Of course, something in my head snapped a long time ago. Going to bed early.
Friday - Touch up mud. Paint this weekend? Picking up cabs tomorrow and storing them at work. Business is slow, which is bad, but having empty shelves to store your personal items?... rather convenient.
... to be continued...
Friday, April 3, 2009
Episode 11 - The Truth About Wives And Dogs
Saturday - Hot today, first shorts of the year. Good progress on drywall. Juan started on the drains and will return in a couple days to finish. Apparently before sheetrock was invented, they didn't care whether or not framing was straight. Plaster seems to do a good job of covering up the fact that you hired idiots to build your house. Sheila learned how to go get a dust mask. I think tomorrow I'll teach her how to measure and cut drywall.
Sunday - Wearing a toolbelt feels too much like work. It adds weight, pinches your waist, and slowly wears you down until you feel even more tired than you already are. It sucks. So I had a great idea and made M wear it instead. She handed me my tools as I needed them and together we finished the drywall. Another productive weekend. All I want is an entire weekend that isn't productive at all.
Monday - No Juan. Holy momma, the costumes on Dancing With The Stars. Does anyone watch that show for the dancing? Hoyba.
Tuesday - No Juan. Six little pieces short of finishing the corner bead. April Fool's tomorrow... Let's see now...
Wednesday - No Juan. Corner bead finished. Here in California there is an ongoing battle over the definition of 'marriage'. After nine years of research, I think the term 'marriage' should be defined as that line which, once crossed, men become no longer funny. Recently I added the following items to the ever-growing list of 'Things That Are Not Funny': 1) Standing in the closet when your wife thinks you are in bed. That is not funny. 2) Hovering over your wife as she lays in bed after watching Ju-on. That is not funny. 3) Locking your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and letting them out after an hour to see which one of them is happy to see you (thereby indicating which one loves you more.) Turns out, that's just an internet joke not to be taken seriously and, in reality, is not funny in any way, shape, or form.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Thursday - No Juan. Started mudding. Tad came over and forced me to admit that I'm actually a hack. Finished a good portion of the first coat.
Friday - No Juan. More mudding. No meeting Phil for beers. All mud, no Bud.
... to be continued...
Sunday - Wearing a toolbelt feels too much like work. It adds weight, pinches your waist, and slowly wears you down until you feel even more tired than you already are. It sucks. So I had a great idea and made M wear it instead. She handed me my tools as I needed them and together we finished the drywall. Another productive weekend. All I want is an entire weekend that isn't productive at all.
Monday - No Juan. Holy momma, the costumes on Dancing With The Stars. Does anyone watch that show for the dancing? Hoyba.
Tuesday - No Juan. Six little pieces short of finishing the corner bead. April Fool's tomorrow... Let's see now...
Wednesday - No Juan. Corner bead finished. Here in California there is an ongoing battle over the definition of 'marriage'. After nine years of research, I think the term 'marriage' should be defined as that line which, once crossed, men become no longer funny. Recently I added the following items to the ever-growing list of 'Things That Are Not Funny': 1) Standing in the closet when your wife thinks you are in bed. That is not funny. 2) Hovering over your wife as she lays in bed after watching Ju-on. That is not funny. 3) Locking your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and letting them out after an hour to see which one of them is happy to see you (thereby indicating which one loves you more.) Turns out, that's just an internet joke not to be taken seriously and, in reality, is not funny in any way, shape, or form.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Thursday - No Juan. Started mudding. Tad came over and forced me to admit that I'm actually a hack. Finished a good portion of the first coat.
Friday - No Juan. More mudding. No meeting Phil for beers. All mud, no Bud.
... to be continued...
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