Saturday - Finally got our long-awaited and well-deserved massages. It was too short and she didn't even touch my feet so I still want to go back for more. But I slept like a sedimentary rock in a pleistocene alluvial floodplain. Here comes M, back from the gym with breakfast stuff. Ooh, what's it gonna be this time?
Sunday - Found another stove, but then our washing machine broke. Picked one up two blocks away for a hundred bucks. Can we just go for a stove and come back with a stove? Cleared the patio of construction trash but now we have a busted old washing machine sitting out there. One can be white and one can take out the trash, but one cannot take the trash out of the white trash. Mowed the lawn wearing sandals. Neighbors may think me white trash, but I sure does got green feet.
Monday - Day of organizing. Sold the dishwasher. All kitchen items returned from office to kitchen. Futon from LR to office. Dining table from LR to DR. Dining chairs out of BR. Kitchen entry painted. Busted washer moved to curb. Old fridge to patio 'til sold. Entire place cleaned.
My God! Walking through the front door now is an entirely new experience. This place has been transformed. Bunch of details to finish but the light at the end of the tunnel is shining right in our faces. It's going to be fun having people over, especially those who saw the place before. Can't wait to see your reactions! Sheila doesn't even seem to notice. Bitch.
Thursday - Sold fridge for a hundred bucks. That pays for the washing machine. He'll pick it up on Sunday.
Friday - Toe kick finished. Sold kitchen storage cabinet. Backsplash tile due Wednesday.
... to be continued...
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Episode 18 - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Buy A Stove
Saturday - Someone please explain to me how a girl who grew up in Japan can come over here and make huevos rancheros better than most mexicans. And then say that she screwed 'em up. Baby, if these are screwed up, please, make me some that aren't.
Backsplash is designed. Tomorrow we will order travertine subway tiles with glass and stainless details. M is quite the designer.
Sunday - I keep going to the bedroom for the dishes. They're not in the bedroom; they're in the kitchen. Going to see a stove and order tile.
On our way to see that stove we bought a fridge. Then we delivered the fridge, finished the cabinets around the fridge, cleaned the fridge, installed the fridge, and, for a moment, thought we broke the fridge. Seems to be working fine. M also learned some basic electrical. Or should I say she got schooled on grabbing a plug that is hanging out of the wall on it's wires. Sorry baby! I thought you'd already taken that class. Fridge looks great but we're not sure why we're not getting any water. Maybe Juan never hooked it up? Guess I'll be crawling back under the house tomorrow.
Monday - Yup. Juan never hooked up the water to the fridge.
Tue, Wed, Thu - Too much overtime, no kitchen time. I got two words: tie yurd.
Friday - Thank you! Finally. A day without OT. Being salaried sucks. So does working with the new guy who seemingly slept through school. Hey, dude, measure this and tell me what is. "46 and two thirds inches." ??? We are sooo going to be run over by the Chinese.
... to be continued...
Backsplash is designed. Tomorrow we will order travertine subway tiles with glass and stainless details. M is quite the designer.
Sunday - I keep going to the bedroom for the dishes. They're not in the bedroom; they're in the kitchen. Going to see a stove and order tile.
On our way to see that stove we bought a fridge. Then we delivered the fridge, finished the cabinets around the fridge, cleaned the fridge, installed the fridge, and, for a moment, thought we broke the fridge. Seems to be working fine. M also learned some basic electrical. Or should I say she got schooled on grabbing a plug that is hanging out of the wall on it's wires. Sorry baby! I thought you'd already taken that class. Fridge looks great but we're not sure why we're not getting any water. Maybe Juan never hooked it up? Guess I'll be crawling back under the house tomorrow.
Monday - Yup. Juan never hooked up the water to the fridge.
Tue, Wed, Thu - Too much overtime, no kitchen time. I got two words: tie yurd.
Friday - Thank you! Finally. A day without OT. Being salaried sucks. So does working with the new guy who seemingly slept through school. Hey, dude, measure this and tell me what is. "46 and two thirds inches." ??? We are sooo going to be run over by the Chinese.
... to be continued...
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Episode 17 - The Out Of Downers
Saturday - So nice of our neighbors last night to give us a plate of delicious food from their bbq. To pay them back we've hired two guys to cut granite on our back patio at 8:AM. You're Welcome! We have good neighbors, but I can't say that our neighbors have good neighbors.
The good news is that the granite is IN! The bad news is that our stove also is in. Can you say, 'Fish out of water?' How about, 'Doo-doo on a diamond?' Need appliances. The granite looks fantastic; M can't stop staring at it.
Sunday - No water yet but M's cooking for the first time in her new kitchen. Her first complaint: too much room. Let's see if we can't get that faucet hooked up today. M's gonna start clearing the back bedroom and fill up the cabinets. How long have we been living like this? I'm gonna sort of miss it... NOT!
I learned a new trick I call 'How to make your wife happy to do the dishes'. First, make her do the dishes in the bathtub for four months. Then, get the kitchen sink up and running. That's it! That's all you gotta do! Shame they don't teach these things in school.
Monday - Final two drawers installed. Minor electrical. Picked up some dimmers for the kitchen lights. Them puppies ain't cheap. M is cooking. Got a ways to go still, but being able to use the kitchen is like breathing after a good water boarding.
Friday - Oooh. It's been great. I haven't done crap since monday. It's no longer such a downer walking in here. But my vacation is over as tomorrow we begin our backsplash tile hunt. Lots of little details to finish. The temptation now is to slack off since the kitchen is actually usable. Must... resist...
...to be continued...
The good news is that the granite is IN! The bad news is that our stove also is in. Can you say, 'Fish out of water?' How about, 'Doo-doo on a diamond?' Need appliances. The granite looks fantastic; M can't stop staring at it.
Sunday - No water yet but M's cooking for the first time in her new kitchen. Her first complaint: too much room. Let's see if we can't get that faucet hooked up today. M's gonna start clearing the back bedroom and fill up the cabinets. How long have we been living like this? I'm gonna sort of miss it... NOT!
I learned a new trick I call 'How to make your wife happy to do the dishes'. First, make her do the dishes in the bathtub for four months. Then, get the kitchen sink up and running. That's it! That's all you gotta do! Shame they don't teach these things in school.
Monday - Final two drawers installed. Minor electrical. Picked up some dimmers for the kitchen lights. Them puppies ain't cheap. M is cooking. Got a ways to go still, but being able to use the kitchen is like breathing after a good water boarding.
Friday - Oooh. It's been great. I haven't done crap since monday. It's no longer such a downer walking in here. But my vacation is over as tomorrow we begin our backsplash tile hunt. Lots of little details to finish. The temptation now is to slack off since the kitchen is actually usable. Must... resist...
...to be continued...
Friday, May 8, 2009
Episode 16 - Big Saturday
Saturday - D-Day. The Big One. The Moment of Truth. To M, this is the big, exciting event we've been working toward; the day we finally get to install our cabinets. To me, it's the day of dread when we discover how badly I screwed up the prep work.
Got five cabs built and four installed. I was skeptical at first of the chinese-made, assemble-yourself cabs, but I gotta say, after putting a few together with the instructions they give you, I am dead sold on buying custom cabinets made here in America. I want an I-phone app that'll locate an idiot with an engineering degree and email him a phhhhucking clue. Thanks, baby, for the neck massage. Now stop, will you, I'm gonna spill my martini.
Sunday - To Beverly Hills to check out a Jenn-Air range we found on craigslist. Looks like a good deal.
Zippidee Doo Dah Day. Awesome deal on that Jenn-Air range. Stainless steel, dual ovens, five burners, self-cleaning, and matching microwave range hood for just five hundred bucks! I love the internet! Thanks to craigslist we got to see that beautiful stove being dollied out to the street by the guy who bought it juuuust as we pulled up to the house. Damn cheapskate. Why doesn't he go buy a new stove and quit messing up my day?
Monday - Drawer cabs built, one installed. Someone oughtta inform the June bugs flying through the house that it's only May.
Tuesday - Two more bad boys in.
Wednesday - One more down and one to go. Days are getting hot.
Thursday - A sink and faucet and we're ready for granite. Feels like every cell in my body is screaming, 'Eee-nuff !'
Friday - M has verrry good taste in faucets. Her taste in sinks, more simple, so the budget is intact. Sheila's sniffing out jerky treats hidden throughout the house. Hey, Sheila, go find the steak knives, will you? I can't find 'em anywhere. Granite in the morning. Glass of wine and I'll be out like Black Galaxy. That's the color of the granite; do I have to explain everything?
... to be continued...
Got five cabs built and four installed. I was skeptical at first of the chinese-made, assemble-yourself cabs, but I gotta say, after putting a few together with the instructions they give you, I am dead sold on buying custom cabinets made here in America. I want an I-phone app that'll locate an idiot with an engineering degree and email him a phhhhucking clue. Thanks, baby, for the neck massage. Now stop, will you, I'm gonna spill my martini.
Sunday - To Beverly Hills to check out a Jenn-Air range we found on craigslist. Looks like a good deal.
Zippidee Doo Dah Day. Awesome deal on that Jenn-Air range. Stainless steel, dual ovens, five burners, self-cleaning, and matching microwave range hood for just five hundred bucks! I love the internet! Thanks to craigslist we got to see that beautiful stove being dollied out to the street by the guy who bought it juuuust as we pulled up to the house. Damn cheapskate. Why doesn't he go buy a new stove and quit messing up my day?
Monday - Drawer cabs built, one installed. Someone oughtta inform the June bugs flying through the house that it's only May.
Tuesday - Two more bad boys in.
Wednesday - One more down and one to go. Days are getting hot.
Thursday - A sink and faucet and we're ready for granite. Feels like every cell in my body is screaming, 'Eee-nuff !'
Friday - M has verrry good taste in faucets. Her taste in sinks, more simple, so the budget is intact. Sheila's sniffing out jerky treats hidden throughout the house. Hey, Sheila, go find the steak knives, will you? I can't find 'em anywhere. Granite in the morning. Glass of wine and I'll be out like Black Galaxy. That's the color of the granite; do I have to explain everything?
... to be continued...
Friday, May 1, 2009
Episode 15 - The World According To Priorities
Saturday - Steven Stills said, 'If you can't be with the one you love then love the one you're with. I say, 'If you can't have the tile you want, then say, 'screw it', and get the cheapest tile you can find.' Finally got our tile. Not our first choice, but doesn't suck completely. And way cheap so we can spend more on the backsplash. Now, in celebration of the approaching swine flu epidemic, we are off to spend the evening in close quarters with several hundred strangers while Tad performs at the Magic Castle. Break a leg, dude! Weird way to say, 'Good luck'. Why not, 'Rip out your larynx', or 'Club your head with a rake'?
Sunday - O.k. coffee, work your magic. Big day ahead. Gotta install the tile and mow the lawn. But first I'd like to do a little trick I call, 'Getting M's Ass Out Of Bed.' Watch closely... Nothing up my sleeves... Nothing behind my back... O.k. Sheila, jump on the bed... Ta Daa!
Whoa boy. Tile installed and lawn mowed. Even organized a little bit. All that on two tacos and refried beans. Ooh, danger! Here's how to annoy your wife: Get up. Don't touch your hair. Go to Home Depot wearing old shorts, worn out shoes, and last night's dress socks.
Monday - Night off before grouting tomorrow. Let's go to Costco. For reaching the milestone of installing the floor, I say I deserve a bottle of gin and a jar of green olives. I think my martini glass is in the bedroom... with the rest of the dishes.
Tuesday - Needed a container in which to mix the grout so I grabbed an old buddy, my beer making bucket and, for a moment, I'm taken back. I'd just graduated college and couldn't land a job to save my life. I was down to my last $200 with no paycheck in sight. Feeling desperate and forced by circumstances, I made a decision. I went to my drawer, took half my remaining cash, and spent it on beer making equipment. I don't know if that was ballsy or stupid but it sure did make good beer! Now, bucket, you are soiled with leftover grout. Good bye my friend and rest in peace. The grout is finished. Did I just eulogize a bucket?
Wednesday - Goodbye grout haze. Hello curry pork! Baby, you are awesome.
Thursday - Grout sealed. Granite guy says he'll call in the morning. Cabs this weekend...
Friday - I told Walter the granite guy 4:00 It's now 5:30. Did he think I said something else? What could "4:00" possibly sound like to a Mexican guy over a cell phone? 4:00...4:00... Oh, I got it. Yeah, he won't be calling.
... to be continued...
Sunday - O.k. coffee, work your magic. Big day ahead. Gotta install the tile and mow the lawn. But first I'd like to do a little trick I call, 'Getting M's Ass Out Of Bed.' Watch closely... Nothing up my sleeves... Nothing behind my back... O.k. Sheila, jump on the bed... Ta Daa!
Whoa boy. Tile installed and lawn mowed. Even organized a little bit. All that on two tacos and refried beans. Ooh, danger! Here's how to annoy your wife: Get up. Don't touch your hair. Go to Home Depot wearing old shorts, worn out shoes, and last night's dress socks.
Monday - Night off before grouting tomorrow. Let's go to Costco. For reaching the milestone of installing the floor, I say I deserve a bottle of gin and a jar of green olives. I think my martini glass is in the bedroom... with the rest of the dishes.
Tuesday - Needed a container in which to mix the grout so I grabbed an old buddy, my beer making bucket and, for a moment, I'm taken back. I'd just graduated college and couldn't land a job to save my life. I was down to my last $200 with no paycheck in sight. Feeling desperate and forced by circumstances, I made a decision. I went to my drawer, took half my remaining cash, and spent it on beer making equipment. I don't know if that was ballsy or stupid but it sure did make good beer! Now, bucket, you are soiled with leftover grout. Good bye my friend and rest in peace. The grout is finished. Did I just eulogize a bucket?
Wednesday - Goodbye grout haze. Hello curry pork! Baby, you are awesome.
Thursday - Grout sealed. Granite guy says he'll call in the morning. Cabs this weekend...
Friday - I told Walter the granite guy 4:00 It's now 5:30. Did he think I said something else? What could "4:00" possibly sound like to a Mexican guy over a cell phone? 4:00...4:00... Oh, I got it. Yeah, he won't be calling.
... to be continued...
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