Episode 46 - Scar Face

Saturday - Well it's sunny right now but they gave us juuuuust enough rain last night to cancel tennis class... yet again. I discovered that, if you grow whiskers, the stitches in your face blend right in. Can't see the stitches but you'll see the scar when this is all over. Scars are good. Chicks dig 'em.



(Months later)
Been away. The stitches didn't dissolve like they said so I put on my 'tough-guy' and, with a mirror and scissors, I cut 'em out myself. Now I got a lump in my lip the size of a small peanut. Had a barber shave off seven days while I pointed my revolver at his ribs for my protection. Then I walked across the street to the saloon for a whiskey. On the way I grabbed the town hottie and dragged her to a barn. Showed her my scar. Filled three cowpokes with lead over a dispute involving the finer aspects of poker. Watered my horse and then, because I don't much care for the sheriff, I blew up the jail with some leftover TNT I found near the gold mine. Rode out of town while the hottie threw her shoes at me. It was downright humorous when I flicked my cigar stump and it bounced off her forehead. It's easy being a tough guy with a scar like this.

Saturday - We've got over 80 tomatoes on our first tomato plants ever. One big red one which we may eat with juevos rancheros when M gets back from Turbo Kick.

... to be continued...

Episode 45 - Face Duff

Saturday - Tennis class at 7:30AM where Roddy demonstrated his artistic side by painting the court with last night's dinner. Dude! There's ivy just outside the fence. That's what it's for. You didn't learn that from drinking in high school?





Monday - I love watching the Olympics on tv. And Gabey, if, by chance, you told your teachers you were sick at home, you shouldn't have been standing in front of the camera at the cross-country finish line. You're soooo busted!



Tuesday - Tennis. It's aaaall fun and games, isn't it? Until someone puts his tooth right through his lip on his own racket. Crap. Seven stitches. That's gonna leave a mark. Can you say, 'Clutz'? I can.



Wednesday - I don't know who's got who's head up who's @$$ over there at NBC. First they let Letterman go to CBS and they give Leno the Tonight Show. Next, in a flash of brilliance, they move Leno to 10PM and then move him back to 11:30. And now their crowning achievement: broadcasting Curling all frikkin' day long. Listen... Morons... I'm here on the couch... I got a tooth perforating my face... I got nothing to do but watch Olympics... and you give me CURLING?... For EIGHT GODDAMNED HOURS?... CURLING???...

Thursday - Well, of course, the one day that Kelly Slater shows up at the shop to play with his wave machine is the one day I stayed home after remodeling my face... to watch CURLING. Timing... it is my specialty.

Episode 44 - The Hurt Luger

Saturday - Obviously our weather forecasting technology has a ways to go yet as the 'light dusting' of rain they predicted brought us 4 inches in 24 hours. Tad and Akemi joined us for dinner and afterwards we engaged in our favorite after-dinner activities: M and A conversed at the table while me and T fell asleep on the couch.









Sunday - Let's see now: cheese dip, jalapeno nachos, two kinds of beer, chocolate chip cookies, and ice cream... that can mean only one thing: It's Super Bowl! Congratulations to the Saints for putting Peyton Manning in his place. I bet the beads are flying around New Orleans tonight! Yeah, baby!





Monday - Ah, the perks of working next door to a TV production: I wonder how long we can freeload our meals off 'em before we get thrown off the set! Prime rib today; not a bad free lunch, I'd say.



Wednesday - Two weeks of rains and SuperBowl on Sunday and I've hardly played tennis at all. First team practice in two weeks tonight. Did o.k., but I'm not sure how I should take the captain offering me a free lesson next week. Let the learnin' begin.

Friday - I love the Olympics. But it doesn't seem much like sport when guys bounce off steel poles at 90 miles an hour. They want to blame his inexperience? Fine. But then why are they building a track with exposed steel poles and then sending inexperienced people down it?


... to be continued...

Episode 43 - Strip Teaser

Saturday - Fun Point To Ponder #1) What's more disgusting than a neighbor's dog who eats poop? That same dog licking your hand which you will then use to adjust your glasses, which places your hand in front of your nose and, well, one can imagine the outcome from that point.



Sunday - M and I played doubles against Ricardo and Lydia. Started talking smack when we were up 4-2 but then they opened up a fresh can of whoop-ass and we lost 7-5. Sure, it's disgusting when your neighbor's dog eats poop, but it's downright embarrassing when you have to eat shit yourself.




Wednesday - M's sick so I made dinner for her. That should ensure her desire to cook tomorrow.

Friday - After shopping for Noriko's B'day gift, M found glitter in the bedroom and immediately accused me of hiring a stripper while she was in Japan. Then she noticed that the bag with Noriko's gift had the exact same glitter so she knew I wasn't serious when I told her, 'Yes I did hire a stripper, but you have nothing to worry about... because it was a male stripper.'

So there.

... to be continued...