Saturday - Steven Stills said, 'If you can't be with the one you love then love the one you're with. I say, 'If you can't have the tile you want, then say, 'screw it', and get the cheapest tile you can find.' Finally got our tile. Not our first choice, but doesn't suck completely. And way cheap so we can spend more on the backsplash. Now, in celebration of the approaching swine flu epidemic, we are off to spend the evening in close quarters with several hundred strangers while Tad performs at the Magic Castle. Break a leg, dude! Weird way to say, 'Good luck'. Why not, 'Rip out your larynx', or 'Club your head with a rake'?
Sunday - O.k. coffee, work your magic. Big day ahead. Gotta install the tile and mow the lawn. But first I'd like to do a little trick I call, 'Getting M's Ass Out Of Bed.' Watch closely... Nothing up my sleeves... Nothing behind my back... O.k. Sheila, jump on the bed... Ta Daa!
Whoa boy. Tile installed and lawn mowed. Even organized a little bit. All that on two tacos and refried beans. Ooh, danger! Here's how to annoy your wife: Get up. Don't touch your hair. Go to Home Depot wearing old shorts, worn out shoes, and last night's dress socks.
Monday - Night off before grouting tomorrow. Let's go to Costco. For reaching the milestone of installing the floor, I say I deserve a bottle of gin and a jar of green olives. I think my martini glass is in the bedroom... with the rest of the dishes.
Tuesday - Needed a container in which to mix the grout so I grabbed an old buddy, my beer making bucket and, for a moment, I'm taken back. I'd just graduated college and couldn't land a job to save my life. I was down to my last $200 with no paycheck in sight. Feeling desperate and forced by circumstances, I made a decision. I went to my drawer, took half my remaining cash, and spent it on beer making equipment. I don't know if that was ballsy or stupid but it sure did make good beer! Now, bucket, you are soiled with leftover grout. Good bye my friend and rest in peace. The grout is finished. Did I just eulogize a bucket?
Wednesday - Goodbye grout haze. Hello curry pork! Baby, you are awesome.
Thursday - Grout sealed. Granite guy says he'll call in the morning. Cabs this weekend...
Friday - I told Walter the granite guy 4:00 It's now 5:30. Did he think I said something else? What could "4:00" possibly sound like to a Mexican guy over a cell phone? 4:00...4:00... Oh, I got it. Yeah, he won't be calling.
... to be continued...
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