Sunday - Is some primordial urge fulfilled in all men or is it just me who occasionally twists my face into a mess, crosses my eyes, and stutters to my wife, 'Y - Y - You married this!' ? Either way, it's a useful device for keeping her humble. Got a call to work on the show 'The Office' tomorrow. I guess I'll go down there and see what they know.
Monday - Worked on the show 'The Office' all day. What? Did I forget to mention I'm a professional actor now? Oh yeah... That's me. Spent the day 'on set', as we say in 'the biz', with Steve Carell. That's right... 40 Year-Old Virgin. We're tight, both of us being professional actors and all. Gotta lot in common. I didn't actually talk to him, directly, or anything, but it's clear we have a kinship. I felt it. He was in his chair 40 feet away and he picked me out... in a crowd of 400 extras... and we locked eyes for a good... quarter second... and that's when I knew for sure that we were psychic brothers, man. Non-actors don't get it, like those stupid security guards who kept asking me to leave. I mean, I told them I was trying to talk to my bro. I explained rather loudly, 'Hey... I AM AN ACK TORE!' And Steve's my bro, man... Tell 'em, Steve!... ... Hey, Get your hands off me!' Idiots! So anyways, the proof is that... my good buddy Steve? He arranged for me to leave set early and go home. Ha! Take that! So, all the other suckers had to stay there and work all day and I'm the only one who got my own security detail to escort me all the way to my car. So there! Anyways, I'm just waiting at home here for Steve because, I'm sure he'll be calling to drop by and give me a bunch of money and stuff... Any minute now...
Got another call for Wednesday, some wedding scene or something...
Wednesday - It's not so much the gay wedding in the park. It's when the gay wedding gets attacked by sword-wielding, bomb-tossing ninjas, arriving in a spaceship that looks and functions exactly like a '76 Chrysler station wagon. That's when you know you're in Hollywood. Glad I was watching when they blew up the pasta because I was very nearly struck by a flying rigatoni.
Thursday - No work today, so it's either build the pull-out dog food bin for the pantry or come up with a clever excuse as for why I didn't... Let's see now...
Friday - While building the dog-food bin I was rudely interrupted by my inner bone-head and now the thing is 1/4" too wide. Frustrating. So, in order to avoid buying more material, I've gotta figure something out...
BTW, I didn't really get thrown off the set of 'The Office'. That was what us pros in 'the biz' call 'artistic license'.
... to be continued...
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